To Join Him

I know I'm going to hell on rocket powered roller skates.

        We all have in our minds a perfect image of how things are supposed to be and that's when you get disapointed. I am that kind of person that thinks what am I going to do in my life and how will I survive the next day while others think about what they want to do with their friends later on. That's why I am always up in the middle of the night. I am lonley.

        What screws me off more is the picture of things in my head of how things are supposed to be. Why can't I end my life right now? I am really sick of it... Fvck people who say that I will recieve all the bad things at once and them have a happy life, really mom? Where are you now? Oh yeah pregnant, and then go give me the baby to take care of, because that's what you did before, with Micheal.

        Micheal my brother is only 6 years old. When he was born my mom almost litrary threw him at me and only feed him when he needed it and now, yeah, she is pregnant. I am freakin six-teen years old and I have a 'new born' babyHe could be my freakin son, for godssake. 

        I am tired. I am tired of being that Girl. No one sees me as the real me, they all think I am perfect and I live the best life, that everyone loves me and everything revolves around me, but they don't understand that I don't want that. I want someone to love me for who I am. To know my past and not run away. My brother stayed with me because he has to, not becasue he wants to. I don't want people looking at me in pity.I have discovered that the most poisnous people come as famlies and friends, yay me.

        I am not sad. I am empty with feelings, simply don't know what to feel. Maybe I lost feelings.

"Are you okay?" Cole asked for the second time. But this time diffrenetly he seemed somewhat bored, yeah why would he care it's not like it's his life or something, he just wanted the gossip or just wanted to 'act' nice or maybe seem, for his own benefit, I just knew it. 

"Yeah, I am fine." I said , not intrested in the burger anymore.

"Tell me what happened, I will tell you a little secret of mine too." He said rasing his eyebrows and taking the burger from where I left it.

"It's just my dad he wants us to pay the rent, no biggie" I said trying my best to show the "I don't give a fvck look'.

"Okay, I wanted to tell you that I liked you, I really do and I actually think I love you but I am not certain, but before that" He paused and chewed on his bite. "I wanted to tell you that I am a biker, maybe a dangerous one, I don't know what you civilians call it."

        I looked at him in suprise as he chewed on his burger, when does telling someone you have fallen inlove with this easy? Or maybe this is just the Cole style of letting things out. I just looked at him blankly.

"I know it's hard to process but I was just wondering if I could take a sip from your Arizona I know how possesive you are about it." He said. Can you believe that guy?

"You love me?" I asked still shocked.

"Yeah" He scratched the back of his neck. "I really need a little sip."

"I never let anyone sip from my Arizona, unless they are special." I said.

        My mind right now is going over board. Do I like Cole? Why does he like me? Why is he telling me this now? Cole or Jai? Am I really considering him? Should I give him some of my Arizona? To all the people out there, if you want to know if I really care for you or not ask me if you could take a sip of my Arizona, just a text message asking me if I would give you or not, and if I say yes, then I really care for you and like you, if I say no, then go kill yourself. In some situations I would give you my whole bottle, that means I really really really really really really really care for you and maybe love you.

"Am I not special?" He said raising his brows.

"Nope"

"I will make you now that I am special"

"YALA dude." I said giving him a blanck smile.

"It's YOLO" 

"Haven't you heard, You Always Live Again, YOLO is out" I said jokingly laughing at his stupid face.

"Look I want you to be mine." He got back to the topic.

"I ain't no one property prettty boy" I eyed him.

"Come on please, one date."

"Yeah okay, now you got what you wanted get out of my house that I will pay a rent for, please and thank you, text me the details later." I got up and cleared the table. While I saw him in the corner of my eye clench his jaw, I have no idea what he is patient about but whatever it is I think it's strong and true. Like.......

Love.

Nope I ain't got none of that shit, and I ain't ganna let it in.

"Okay, I will text you, Bye babe." He waved and left the front door.

 I know I'm going to hell on rocket powered roller skates.