overture | newsies imagines

jeremy jordan || run away

part 1

i completely dreaded pulling myself out of the mass of white linen sheets today. though the sun was shining in through my blinds in a mockingly beautiful light, everything in me was being gravitated towards what felt like hell.

i prepared myself in the usual fashion i had done every other morning for the past five years that i had lived in that new york city apartment. but there was an apparent and grudged trudge in my feet as i neared the duffel bag on my bed. i packed up the rest of the things i needed to take with me to los angeles and zipped up the bag. i made my bed and took one last look at my room.

while i would be away, my roommates would maintain their lives as usual. only my room would be rented out to whomever they had chosen. my things would stay, i would leave. and until i was feeling up to the weather again, i would come back.

i loaded my things in my car and drove to his apartment. my heart felt even heavier than before as i parked in the lot i had always. the tears began falling when i shut off the car and was put in complete silence. i gripped the steering wheel between my fingers and pressed my forehead onto it. my shoulders were shaking, my mouth uttering incoherent noises.

i composed myself after a few more minutes and rode the elevator to his floor. he enveloped me in the tightest of hugs when i arrived and pressed the shortest of kisses to my lips. he didn't know, nor would he know until tomorrow morning. he'd call to say good morning, but i would be on an airplane still. and he would wait and call again in an hour. and again in another hour. until he would realize that i had run again.

because of him.

jeremy tugged me further into the apartment, completely unaware i had been crying. i was becoming too good at disguising myself.

we sat on the couch, our hands intertwined, and the tv on. he rambled on about something someone did the night before at the matinee show. i listened contently, forgetting that in two hours i'd be running away from him.

an hour later, we were making dinner in the kitchen. my shoulders had since relaxed and i was melting back into his hands on my hips. we sang and he twirled me and i laughed and regretted packing my bag.

i sat up on the counter with jeremy on my left and a bowl of pasta in my hands. he continued talking to me about the universe and i ate and listened and wondered if i could live like this forever.

i reeled the movie in my mind again and again.

an apartment, a dog, a baby, a white wedding in june, a commitment, a ring, a wife, a husband, and one guy for the rest of my life.

i still couldn't understand why it made me want to puke. id been with him for a year. my entire body, roll of heel, to curve of head, was in this relationship full heartedly. but at the first sign of marriage, i was flaking out.

it started back in august, when we visited my parents in the suburbs and he and my father went out for beers. my mother held that girly little grin for the entire night, and starting dropping home and garden wedding editions in random places in the house. when jeremy returned, he and my mother went to speak in the other room.

i heard her squeal and jeremy returned with a protruding box in his left pocket. i snooped in my mothers jewelry box and her engagement ring was gone.

ever since then, he has been planning elaborate picnics and trips to fancy dinners, but his courage kept on diminishing. when it first hit me he was going to propose, i began to pack.

it wasn't until yesterday, when he told me to buy the most extravagant dress i could for dinner in three days, i bought a plane ticket.

jeremy brought me out of my head with another kiss. i smiled at him and set aside my pasta bowl. if today would be my last day, i would make it last.

between the sheets, i hid my bucket of tears.

he curled me up in his arms and hid us away from the sun coming through his windows. we kissed and grazed our hands on every piece of skin i needed to know one last time.

in my wandering i knew that i would be leaving so much of myself in him.

so i took back as much as i could in kisses and swells of laughter that mixed our breath in the little space between our lips.

when i knew i had to leave, i got dressed and snuck back into his arms for one last hug. he squeezed me tight and sat up as i neared the door.

"wait," jeremy caught my hand. "come here."

he tugged me closer to him and sat me on the edge of the bed. jeremy circled the bed to stand in front of me and fidgeted with something behind his bare back. my eyes widened into complete shock as he lowered himself onto one knee.

"i have been trying so hard to do this since, like, september. but i've been so terrible at grabbing the chance to. i was going to try this tomorrow, but i just go so much energy from kissing you, so here we are." jeremy cracked open the box and my grandmothers ring glittered in the light of the sun.

i wiped away a tear and stood from the bed. i caught jeremy's hand in my own and closed the lid before he could speak. "please, stop," my voice cracked.

he laughed nervously. "well, let me finish, eager beaver."

"no—" i sobbed, "please stop."

"will you," he grinned, toying with my fingers and opening the box again, "will you marry me?"

"no," i shook my head.