overture | newsies imagines

ian young || feeling

i waited patiently in the streaming line of people for my ticket to be scanned. it eventually was and myself and kara were admitted into the theater. we found our seats in the orchestra section and fought another crowd to go to the bathroom.

"are you as excited as i am?" she bumped a fist against my shoulder as we waited.

"i'm not sure," i laughed, crossing my arms in stance.  "like i'm excited, but nervous as to how it's going to be on stage."

"is that the only reason you're nervous?" she tilted her head to the side in acknowledgment.

i rolled my eyes playfully and responded, "you got me."

kara brushed her hand over my arm. "it's totally okay, (y/n). to be nervous, i mean. you haven't seen the guy in nearly four years and the last words he said to you were, 'i'm in love with you.'"

i squeezes my eyes shut and pressed a hand to my forehead. i suddenly felt nauseous, like my heart was going to burst from my lips in a spew of blood and puke. it was disgusting.

"yeah," i mumbled. the line, luckily, moved up. kara and i took the free stalls and the subject was thrown away.

i locked my stall behind me and pressed my back against the cool metal. i disregarded the opportunity to use the toilet and instead held my head in my hands. i fought back the angry, hot tears boiling up in my eyelids. i pressed chunks of toilet paper against my eyelashes to get rid of the tears.

i met kara back out in the lobby with an even brighter smile than before. a fake smile.

ian young was my first love.

ian young was my first hate.

and tonight was going to be the first night i have ever seen him since the night he confessed his love to me.

i boarded my plane when the last syllable left his lips.

—

the show— mean girls— was absolutely amazing. kara and i took tactical pictures of our playbills up against the stage lights, and chatted up the score during intermission. at the end, a speech was given by the director, as it was opening night. then we were escorted to the stage with a couple other quote en quote famous broadway personalities.

the entire cast was in costume on stage, awaiting the arrival of whomever was visiting them that night. after piles of people hugged us and shook our hands, i saw him.

ian was a swing in the show and therefore wasn't on stage that night. instead, he was sitting backstage, taking notes.

and god did my heart stop when i saw him.

he looked nearly exactly the same, yet something in his stature had shifted in my eyes. like a sudden realization had been dropped on my shoulders and a newer light was cast upon him.

he was grinning and holding a thick binder close to his chest. he kept tossing his arms around people and patting their backs. then his eyes landed on kara, and then me.

at first, his pupils grew extremely big. then, they shrunk to the size of a pea. he dropped his binder, turned swiftly on the toe of his converse, and took off towards the left wing. i took a step forward, as if i was supposed to follow after him. but kara grabbed my arm and shook her head.

"give him space."

—

the unusual truth about all of this is that i never truly had feelings for ian. i faked being in a relationship for months to convince myself that i was living a life. i played my cards incorrectly and did something or the other that caused his heart to latch onto mine. however, my heart millions of miles away, in space, even. he couldn't have grabbed it if he wanted to.