He'll be the death of me one day.
I wasn't sure about much of anything in my life, but I knew one simple fact. He was killing me from the inside out, cutting through my bones with his powerful aura, and he didn't care.
He did care but he didn't know.
He had no idea and that made me lose hope sometimes but at the same time, it made me grin. A wicked grin. I had no idea where my sanity ended and were my hurt began. I don't even have a soul, I shouldn't have feelings. But still, I could feel the pain throbbing and pulsing. It took up most of my thoughts and everything I did was on automatic. He never noticed how I always seemed dazed when I did things.
I was always there for him. I was his shoulder to cry on, I was the one who comforted him in his darkest hour, I was the one thing that would never change in his life. That's what he always told me before. I was the only one left standing in his ever-changing crumbling world.
He would never abandon me.
Never.
Until he got better.
When his broken world began to rebuild itself, I was still there. He was doing fine, going steady. He gained a lot of friends, knew a lot of people, and eventually founded Justice Reigns. He was always doing something else, barely looking back at me. I was just there, staring at him. I was watching him. What else would I do?
I didn't have anyone but him.
I was blind to the outer world. I could only see him.
Only help him.
I was afraid he would fall again and then my world would crumble as well so all I did, was stand there and watch him. Like a bodyguard waiting for someone to fire a bullet at his boss. I'd take the shot without as much as a flinch.
No matter what. But it hurt. It hurt how he never seemed to look back at me anymore. I was always there but he didn't treat me well. He never did. He wasn't happy to see me. He didn't want to talk, he didn't even want to look at me.
I'd been surviving on the bones he threw me. Sometimes he'd say hello, offer me a smile, he'd give me a hug or he'd tell me how I looked good that night or did a job perfectly. I would inhale the compliments like an addict and remember them for survival purposes. For times like these, where he didn't seem to care whether or not I was there.
Moments where he took me for granted.
One day, I would disappear. He wouldn't know where to find me and he'd panic. I could see the paralyzing fear in his eyes as I was gone. Nowhere to be found. Dead. Deceased. Dust. He would miss me so bad and he would regret all of the times he'd been so awfully rude to me.
Couldn't he see I was his guardian? I would kill to protect him. I would kill MYSELF to protect him. He was a part of me and it hurt to see I wasn't a part of him.
It fed my hatred. My loathing for him. I'd always protect him and I'd greedily take his compliments but I felt a growing anger in the pit of my stomach. A feeling that he had wronged me.
A feeling of neglect, pain, betrayal.
I was there for him when nobody wanted to help him and he threw me out just like that.
The duality of just how upset I was over this and the growing anger always made me grin like a madman. I was pushing away my hurt to feel the anger. I could feel myself cry, the watery feeling coming from my eyes and down to my cheeks.
My tears of pain.
Not of sorrow, there was a difference!
Tears of pain held a vendetta in them, a sense of revenge.
Tears of sorrow were a desperate sign of defeat.
I would never be defeated.
After all, I brought it upon myself. I was the one who made him mean so much to me. He never did anything for me to gain my trust. I did it to myself. I let him in, even though he never asked to be let in.
It was the weak moment where I felt gullible.
Not again. Never again.
I would never again let him in. It was over. I was done playing the guardian. I wouldn't let him overpower me again.
"Ink? Are you alright?" Dream asked worriedly.
My thoughts vanished like a popping balloon, the grin melting off my face to stare at him. I offered him the softest smile I could. "Yeah, of course. What about you?"
"I'm doing alright, I guess."
"Doesn't sound very convincing", I murmured, cursing myself.
Dream sighed. "Alright. Something's been bothering m-…"
And there it goes again. I'll be his guardian once more while this pain eats me up inside.
He'll be the death of me one day.
