i can't

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my hands shake as I write this,
I want him to know the truth.
how I feel,
why I feel it.
I want to tell him about my past,
about the complications,
why I am like I am.
but,
the words don't come out of my mouth,
I can't seem to speak them,
yet I can't seem to write them either.
it's like my body is stopping me from telling him,
but my heart wants him to know.
i sweat and I shake,
but I hide it as best I can.
trying to be discrete,

'It's so hot in here'

'ive got a banging headache'

'I'm so cold'

'I've got really bad cramp'

they all believe me.
it hurts,
lying.
but it's safer,
it's easier
and it keeps them safe from the truth.
I trust him with my life,
but I can't bring myself to tell him.

he draws my life out,
shows me with a grin,
then rips the page,
and burns the pieces infront of me.

I need to tell him,
tell him about 'him'
why he made me like I am.
but I can't,
the words don't come out.
for once I wish my body would obey the actions of my heart.

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