11:23pm
the girl kneels down on the ground,
and leans on the bed,
she brings her hands to her head,
running her fingers through her brown hair,
her hands find their way to the back of her neck,
she leaves them there.
she takes a deep inhale,
bows her head down and exhales.
she cries.
she sobs.
she doesn't stop.
she's a downpour.
//
PING***
PING***
\\
__pick up the phone——
//
\\
2:56am
she remains on the floor but this time she's writing,
she's writing a note.
one that'll bing great pain to someone.
one that she says goodbye in,
this letter will be how she's remembered.
it has to be good.
pain.
-
"I want them to feel the pain I do"
-
she selfishly scribbles words that aren't true.
she feels content.
//
\\
3:33am
the devils hour.
this is it she thinks.
she writes a new note, this time the only word,
-
"goodbye"
-
in a trance she walks to the bathroom,
missing the creaky floorboards like she was floating,
she shut the bathroom door and locked it, tight.
her eyes immediately drawn to the bath,
closing her eyes she ran the bath.
and she got in,
she sat fully clothed in the bath and watched the water run out from the tap.
then her blank eyes fell upon a razor.
with shaking hands she picked up the razor,
taking it apart, to leave her with sharp blades.
she took at deep breath, closed her eyes and made the first cut,
it wasn't the first time,
in fact she couldn't feel the pain any longer,
she repeatedly drew with silver onto her skin and like a magic pen it turned red.
she followed her vain with the blade.
then, she lay back and close her eyes,
placing her arms into the water.
she watched the blood diffuse into the water,
it was almost beautiful.
she felt psychotic,
like a murderer with its first kill.
the water stung the cuts like a wasp,
but she was too fascinated by the dance of the blood in water to care.
//
\\
4:00am
her eyes grew heavy,
and her vision became darker.
and darker.
then there was an urge,
to let go.
her vision went black.
her mind split in two,
one with the urge to make things right and hold on,
the other?
an urge to let go.
let go of the world and the problems.
\\
//
4:30am
the shriek of a mother cut through the neighbourhood,
pain.
she fell to her knees beside her lifeless daughter and prayed to whatever god was listening,
that they would bring her baby back,
her beautiful baby,
why?
that's all the mother was saying,
why?
was I not good enough?
pain,
she felt it in her chest.
||
the girl had gone,
but not because of her mother but because of who the girl was.
she didn't have the heart to tell her mother that the life she had made in her stomach for 9months didn't want it anymore.
she felt guilt.
the girl was brave,
yet stupid.
||
she let go.
