No More Games

23

Sasha's Point Of View

It's been three days since I got the pregnancy news and it's still hard to process such a huge life altering change. I've been in a space between contentment and anger, leaving me in a sea of confusion. I'm exactly one month along in my journey and there's no doubt that this baby was conceived the night I surprised Michael in France.

A baby created by two people in love is such a beautiful blessing. I've always fantasized the day when Michael and I would get married and have multiple mini versions of us running around. It never occurred in my imagination that I'd carry a child for a lying, manipulative, cheating bastard that I no longer want anything to do with.

Though I am still profoundly in love with him, I love my soul almost as equally to know that I can no longer allow anymore pain inflicted upon wounds that it already had. Wounds that were slowly healing. Michael will always be in his child's life. I cannot and would never rob him of such a gift but other than us co-parenting and being the best we can be for our child, Michael and I will never be anything more.

I've been at home crying and contemplating on how I was going to tell Michael that he's going to be a father. Meanwhile, Kennedy and my beloved baby brother, Trevor have been trying to cheer me up all day and get me out of the house for some fun.

"I told you guys I'm not going to that event tonight." I folded my arms and pout at them both as if I were a stubborn four year old. "Invitation or not. I'm not going."

"Why are you so damn difficult?" Trevor exasperated. "I know you're pregnant and hormonal and shit but damn!"

I simply shrugged—paying no mind to his frustration directed towards my stubbornness.

Kennedy rolled her eyes and plopped herself on the sofa next to me. She remained silent for a moment which felt like forever. I looked over at her and though I couldn't read her mind by just her visage, I knew she was thinking of what to say to me. "Sash," she finally spoke, "I know you're scared and I know you hate Michael's guts with a passion right now but I'm gonna need you to get it together." Her voice soft but laced with sternness. "You can't let what one dumb ass nigga did to you strip you of happiness you own. You need to get it together and start living the life that you're supposed to live instead of wasting it by wallowing in dirty pjs and a half cleaned house." That brought a giggle out of me and she laughed along with me. "See? That's that beautiful smile I need to see again." She got up and threw one of the couch pillows at me but thanks to amazing reflexes, I caught it just as quick as she threw it. "But seriously," she continued, "it's starting to smell in here. We need to clean up then get ready for the event tonight.

I sighed one of those heavily annoyed with anything remotely human sighs before gathering up the depressed and semi-showered sack of organs, aka my body, off of the couch and began dragging myself out of the living room. "I'm going to this event just so you both can shut up and give me my peace." I watched as Trevor and Kennedy eye each other with suppressed grins. "Ken, come help me find an outfit while I hit the shower."

"I'm proud of you, sis!" Trevor hollered joyously as Kennedy galloped happily behind me.

—

"I should've stayed home." I complained for the zillionth time to Kennedy as we sat in a secluded booth watching celebrities and socialites mingle over cocktails and bad dancing. "You said this would've been fun, Ken. I'm not having fun."

"Sis," Kennedy sighed. "you're not having fun because you made your mind up on our way here that you'd just stay miserable and wallow in that pity pool of yours." I rolled my eyes and shooed her off but she wasn't having it. "Look," she gritted her teeth and leaned over the table to get closer to me so that she was sure I heard her every word over the loud music, "I know you're fucking pregnant and all but I know these aren't hormones making you act like this. You look absolutely breathtaking tonight and everyone in here has been chasing you down to dance or talk or take a damn picture but you rather waste my makeup skills by having that beautiful face frowned all fucking night and hiding in a fucking booth!" I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it. "Trevor and I put so much effort in trying to get you out here to have a great time but "Michael" still got you fucking depressed. You need to get your shit together. You're way stronger and better than this." She sat back down and continued to stare at me.

She was absolutely right.

My eyes dropped from her daring gaze as I swirled my straw around in my glass of water. The music blaring and the chattering crowd in a space that felt so confined due to the amount of people and noise there was, did not change the fact that I still felt alone and isolated in the quiet depths of my mind.

I've never felt this way despite being heartbroken before. But then again, I'm now carrying a child for the man who shattered my whole being.

Crescendoing sounds of cheering and clapping brought my attention to the dance floor. A crowd forming around someone who's dancing harder than Chris Brown in a music video, from what I saw, was being hyped up by the crowd and celebrated for his impeccable dance moves.

I poked my head up more to get a good look as more people were being drawn to the circle. I could see his shimmering shirt, the hair.... "Oh my fucking goodness. Is that—"

"Go Trevor! Go Trevor!" I turned around and looked at Kennedy who was up on the table (how she got on top of the table without me noticing is beyond me) bopping to the music and recording the whole thing with her cellphone.

From Trevor dancing the night away like it's nobody's business, to Kennedy, hopping on our table and cheering Trev on like a proud Mother made me laugh a good gut laugh.

It's almost as if I got an epiphany in that same moment. I realized that everyone in this building right now have problems and are going through their own form of struggles just like me. Celebrity or not. Rich or poor. It doesn't matter and I know I can't be the only one in here dealing with issues.

Having a great time with those we care about are one of the ways we can cope with whatever we're going through and that's what I need to do.

I got up and grinned at Kennedy who was now off of the table and dancing a few feet from me. "Let's go! Let's get on that dance floor and help Trev fuck it up!"

Kennedy pulled me in for a hug and jumped with glee before pulling me out to the dance floor.

This is what I need to get my mind off of Michael. Have fun with the ones I love.