Home Is Your Heartbeat ('Home Is' Book Two - Daryl Dixon)

Chapter 2 - One (John Farnham)

DARYL

Were used to carrying animal carcasses for miles after a kill. But this ain't a carcass and it keeps squirmin.

I'm trying to hold onto my temper....it isn't her fault.

"Mica, yer gotta stay still! Can't keep hold of yer when yer movin around like that."

Trying hard to not growl but my hoarse voice goes and barks it out like that anyway.

"I'm sorry, Mr Daryl. But I gotta go pee"  She replied in a tiny voice.

I scan around us then crouch, letting go of her thighs. Take the rig off my shoulder before standing again. Waiting until Tyreese and Lizzie catch up.

"Pit stop"  I nod to him.

"Lizzie....those bushes. Won't watch yers but stay in our sight."

Tyreese bent over tryin to catch his breath or puke....whichever.

We've been walking or slowly jogging with only a few breaks for the kids in the last couple of hours. Two of those over a set of old rail tracks, which is hard goin.

We're maybe about eight miles from the prison by now? Lookin over the tops of the trees I watch the plume of black smoke comin from the direction we've been runnin from.

"Where are we going, Daryl?"  Ty is crouched down, lookin at me and panting.

"Cabin....about another five miles. Me and Michonne came across it when we first went out lookin for the Governor. It's secure. Has a well, gas tanks and fruit trees. Can hole up there for a while. Will be safe enough for the girls."

He just nodded wearily as the kids came back to each of us. Mica slipped her little hand into mine without hesitation.

"I can walk for a while now, Mr Daryl. I know you don't like carrying people....even Nate."

She musta heard me bitchin whenever I haul her around. Not understanding it's just my way of teasing.

"Tell me when yer tired. Yer weigh like a feather compared to her"  I reply.

Can't say her name. Can't even see her face anymore.

"Don't be sad, Mr Daryl. Nate will be Ok. We both got better from being sick. When she gets here, she can have some fruit too. And we'll all read books together again on the bed. Just like we do at the prison."

Lizzie is walkin on the other side of me now. Both of them have hold of my hands so I can't wipe my eyes.

Two miles later we come across the sign.

"Isn't that....?"  Tyreese started.

"Yep"  I answer shortly.

Don't stop, keep walkin.

The sign gave directions to Terminus. The place in the message that came over the car radio, on our way to get the meds.

Seems like a lifetime ago yet it was only four days.

*

It was dark when we finally arrived at the cabin. I sighed in relief. Cos Mica kept on fallin asleep and losing her grip on my neck.

Got them inside and resting up before checkin the perimeter. Filled some jugs with water and picked fruit for em all. Tyreese took over after that, settlin them down to a proper sleep.

I was sittin on the porch steps when he came and stood in the doorway.

"Yer go rest. I got watch"  I ordered, but he started to object.

"I chilled all day yesterday. Got this now, Ty. No arguing."

He turned to go back inside then hesitated....lookin back over his shoulder at me. Sobbin.

"Daryl, I know....know what it's like....to lose. Just want you to know....Nate was our friend. Loved me and Sasha, we loved her back. One of a kind she was, truly special."

"I'm sorry, man....so sorry."

Can feel my temper begin to snap....ready to tell him he fuckin knows nuthin. Ready to smash his face in to make him stop. Ready to kill him and my fists clench with the effort to keep still.

Then her voice gently kisses my ear....

'Chinese burn'.

That brings me up short. Let out my breath in a rush. Nod to him just before he turns to head back inside.

"You've always been our good friend as well, Daryl. I'm blessed and mighty grateful to have you here with me and the girls. Thank you, bro"  Ty whispered as the door latched behind him.

I stagger aways a bit from the cabin, over to a tree where I fall down. Simply sit there, leaning up against the rough bark....tryin to get air into my lungs.

Pull out a cigarette from my pocket and light it. Take a couple of puffs, then start to grind the ember into my hand.

Just to feel....feel anything....even a little pain.

Do it over, again and again. Not knowin that tears are already runnin down my face. Don't know nuthin no more, can't feel nuthin no more.

Failed her....failed the Old Man. Both of them gone with fuck only knows who else. Did Michonne escape?

Glenn....he was still poorly.

Did everyone else stick to the plan and escape....are they still safe on the bus? All the other kids?

My shame....

*

Wait on the porch the next morning for Tyreese to come out.

When he does, I hand him a load of squirrel carcasses and motion to the small young buck. It's hanging to bleed under the rafters.

Lay it all out before he can speak.

"Yer gotta stay here with the girls, eat and rest em up. Gonna go look for the others at the rendezvous point. If I ain't back in a week follow the tracks and go to Terminus. Take them kids and go there."

"Yer hearin me, Ty? I ain't askin, I'm telling  yer....this is how it's gotta be!"  I growl.

"Daryl, you can't just leave and go off like this. You saw that place when we left. How do you know they're even alive, let alone made it there?"

"You're hurting bad and need to stay here with us, man. Take some time and get yourself together. You can't just go off looking for ghosts!"  He's yellin now....afraid.

"Our family ain't ghosts, gonna go find em. Meet yer at Terminus. Yer got this, Ty. Got it in yer to do this. Need yer to do this for me."

I walk away. Not listenin to anything he yells after that.

Don't look back once. Just down....at my own shadow in front of me.