Home Is Your Heartbeat ('Home Is' Book Two - Daryl Dixon)

Chapter 4 - Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)

NATE

Judith cries herself out before I manage to. Her sobs eventually become snuffles and then finally, sleep.

I just sit here, with my head leaning against the window. While my eyes continue to leak and chest hitches the breath into my lungs.

Hershel....Hershel....Mich....

I carefully place Juju on the passenger seat, still swaddled in her blankie.

Can only guess that someone had taken her out of the baby capsule as it was pretty cumbersome. The air vent was right near where the bus was parked.

Had they placed her there, intending to return and get her on the bus....then never made it back?

I put my head in my hands, trying to think. Only my mind is full of images of the living and dead. My family....Hershel and Michonne....Carl....Daryl.

NO, NATE!

There's only one person who you know for sure is gone....and there's no doubt about that.

Growls bring me back to earth. A walker is staggering through the trees, heading straight for us.

I snatch the keys from the hook hidden under the dash and start her up. She's still purring like a kitten and has three-quarters of a tank of juice left. Release the brake and have her rolling gently down the short incline then onto the gravel road.

My nose finally clears from crying and fills with the total stench that's....me. No wonder Juju was yelling her lungs out before! Poor bubby has been putting up with my stink.

Now you listen up, Nate. SHE'S your number one priority!

Get her somewhere safe. Clean the both of you up and get some food going. Then think about what to do next.

I go on autopilot at the main road and turn left. Can clearly see the huge column of black smoke that's now coming from the prison, as the fire takes its final grip.

My mind is so conflicted.

I still hate that place beyond reason. But it's been home for well over a year. So many bad things have happened to our family. Yet some of the best memories of my life were formed there.

"Can't look back now"  I order myself, cresting a hill that takes the prison from view.

If I had? I would've seen Carol turn her car onto the feeder road. Heading for home.

*

After an hour I stop in front of the gates. Hop out and punch in the code. Deactivate the security and then drive into the Honeymoon Residence.

Minus my husband and now with a baby in tow. How's that for irony?

Almost burst into tears again, catching a glimpse of the farmhouse. Such a wave of shame sweeps through me when I realise how selfish I've been?

Keeping this place as a haven for just Daryl and myself.

I should've made his dream come true right from the very start. Brought everyone from the prison here.

Then they'd all still be alive....

"Come on, Juju. Let's go get ourselves cleaned up, eh?"

I strip us off before we enter the house. Grab a couple of towels from the linen closet on our way to the bathroom.

Bubby coos and gurgles as we stand under the shower. Her chubby fingies try to grab the droplets of water as they fall.

I give her a good wash first then plonk her on the towels I've placed on the floor. She stays put. Happily watching me and babbling away in her own little language.