A Beautiful Disaster

why are you sad?

why are you sad?

"why are you sad?"

I hear those questions too often sometimes,

Their words linger in the back of my head and they eat me alive.

Why was I sad?

I mean,

I inflict this pain on myself,

Because I believe I deserve it.

I was made to feel as if I did deserve this pain.

This unedifying pain that some believe can easily be fixed.

Sometimes,

This pain can't be fixed with pills,

This pain can't be fixed in just one day,

It can't be fixed within months,

It takes years,

Years upon years to feel somewhat normal.

And for me to be fixed,

From this utter broken state that I am in.

It would take a decade.

And by then,

I would already be dead.

So why even bother,

Trying to fix something that is broken,

If it would take forever to piece back together.

"why are you sad?"

Shouldn't be asked.

What should be asked is.

"Who the fuck broke you?"

a.b.