Fix You ~Completed~

Act Forty

Kyla answered the door, grumbling he was going out for a liquor run anyhow. "Oh, look! It's Clem's apparently straight friend! He's in the bathroom playing with his meds. Have fun!" he exclaimed as he passed by Eddie in the doorway. I was on the floor in the bathroom at a perfect angle to see the whole exchange.

My curly haired friend walked into the apartment, freezing when he noticed me on the floor, surrounded by a sea of painkillers. "What the hell happened? Are you okay? Clem-"

"I'm really excited for Karaoke Night," I interrupted him, wishing I had the strength to get up. I was frozen right there against the sink, holding my cast like a child and trying to stop crying. "I've been looking forward to it for so long. We haven't gotten to hang out there in weeks!"

"Clemmy, what did he do to you?"

Ha. What did he do to me? Nothing that time.

"Funny," I whispered, "how you always assume it's him who does the damage. You never even consider I might be doing some of it myself."

"Did you try to take all these pills?" Eddie questioned, shrugging off my earlier statement. I stared at him, silent. Wasn't it obvious? "Jesus, let me clean this up. Here, watch out. I think some of the pills rolled under you."

"He isn't gay. You know that? Kyla says he's not gay or bi or pan. I don't know what he is if he's none of those. Is there another name? How can he love me and not like guys? Eddie, I'm so confused. And he's been cheating on me this whole time and I-I don't know what to do. I'm just so confused," I drawled, my voice sounding as though I'd just been hit upside the head. Does that always happen when you have your heart ripped out? Maybe it only occurs on the fiftieth removal of your heart, when all that's left is tiny bits and pieces the person you love most hasn't bothered to smash yet.

I wished he'd succeeded that day; I wished he'd smacked my head into the countertop over and over again until there was nothing left but red and mush. I wished he'd just killed me and got it over with.

"Clem," Eddie sighed, taking my face. "Clem, it's gonna be okay. C'mere."

I threw myself into his arms. "Hold me," I begged weakly. "That's all I need right now."

Eddie let me cling to him for a good ten minutes before breaking off to refill my bottle with the pills I'd tried to end my life with only moments ago. I watched him with swollen eyes and tried to silence my jagged breathing. My friend didn't look angry at me, nor did he appear very happy with me, and I appreciated both those things.

Sometimes, I knew I truly deserved the fury that was thrown at me. That was one of those times. The anger Eddie held was out of fear of losing me, and the same could go for Kyla. Both of them were desperate to keep me.

Maybe I could give them that. Maybe I didn't need to die to be happy.

I had two beautiful friends and a boyfriend who loved me. Why should I have given that up? Why should I have selfishly destroyed their happiness?

Eddie lifted me up off the floor and kissed me. It was quick and it made me feel nauseous, but he kissed my forehead like it was nothing. "You're stronger than this," he murmured, pushing some hair from my eyes. "Clemmy, you are the single strongest person I know. Don't you dare leave me, okay?"

I gripped his arm with my good hand. "Okay, Eddie," I promised, forcing myself to mean it this time.

While he sent me into my bedroom to change, Eddie was nice and offered to make me a cup of coffee for our drive over. I showed him the coffee machine and went into the bedroom, sliding a turtleneck on in place of my hoodie to hide the marks Kyla had left on me. As I did this, I made a decision: I wouldn't lie to Eddie anymore. He deserved better and I would be better.

For Eddie, I could keep it together. For Eddie, I could do anything.