Fix You ~Completed~

Act Fifty-Seven

"It's okay. It's okay. Hey, sweetie, hold my hand. Here, hold my hand."

Eddie had me squished onto his lap, my face hidden in his neck. The clock read that it was three in the morning and I tried to push him away, apologizing for waking him. I didn't mean to; I was trying to keep quiet, but I guess Eddie was a light sleeper. He drew me even closer, ending my attempts to get away. Honestly, I didn't wanna get away. I wanted him to hold me close.

"Hold my hand, Clemmy," Eddie insisted, tangling his fingers around mine.

Desperately, I clung to him, bringing his worn hand up to my face. The palm was warm and a tad bit sweaty against my cheek, but the contact was all that I needed. I trembled, lowering my head and releasing a loud sigh.

"What triggered it?" my best friend whispered, using his free hand to smooth back my wild hair. I shook my head, refusing to speak. "Sweetie, tell me. I can't help you if you won't tell me."

It's been a month and I still feel like I'm drowning, Eddie. It's killing me slowly. My insides keep getting ripped out without thought, without remorse. Even from beyond the grave, Kyla is making my life miserable.

"I-I miss him."

The admittance didn't seem to bother or shock Eddie. He simply sighed and lifted me up off my cot. I was dropped onto his bed and he crawled in with me immediately after. "Like I keep telling you, it's okay for you to feel that way," he promised, letting me burrow into his side. "You loved Kyla."

"He didn't love me. He doesn't deserve my tears and my pain. All that asshole deserves is anger and hatred and gladness that he's gone. Why can't I feel that anymore, Ed? When he first died, it was all that I had, but now... now it's draining," I whispered, fisting his aged t-shirt in my hands. Eddie shushed the tears that started to rise and kissed my head, a good distraction. "I feel like I'm being drained."

"I think you're just confused, sweetie. You're caught in between letting yourself feel okay admitting you hate him for what he did and loving him for what you thought he was," Eddie reasoned. I nodded. It was plausible, I couldn't deny that. I liked that idea. I liked this whole issue being explained away by me being a confused child. That was all I was, right? "It's probably gonna feel like this for a while, Clemmy."

The mere thought of that made me sick to my stomach. I wasn't sure how much more of this crap I could take. "I want it to stop. I want all of it to just stop, Eddie."

"You promised you wouldn't leave us and I'm holding you to that, Clem Tate," Eddie warned, burying his nose in my hair. I cuddled closer to him. No matter what, I'd never choose to leave my people. Hurting them like that was insufferable to imagine. "I really don't know if Ale and I would handle losing you very well."

"If I'm being honest, you two are all that make life bearable. Without you, I'd have lost my mind by now," I whispered. "I won't leave you, Eddie."

A minute passed. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Another minute went by. Sure that Eddie had fallen asleep, I let myself drift a bit, my head pressed into the crook of his neck.

I felt a set of lips on my head. "I love all of you, Clem. I love every single part of you."

His words were what lulled me off to a peaceful, dreamless sleep, curled up in his loving arms.