Fix You ~Completed~

Act Fifty-Five

Gale was waiting for Ed and me when we got back to their apartment, which Eddie clarified I most definitely was allowed to refer to as home.

My ginger friend had cleaned out some closet space and was showing it off to me excitedly. "Also, we found this really nice cot that is super soft for you to sleep on. That's only temporary, but isn't it fun? You can switch in between Eddie and I's rooms whenever you want! If you are annoyed with me, you can go chill with Eddie! If you and Eddie get in a fight- which you probably never would- you can come stay with me!"

"That's actually a really cool idea," I complimented him with a laugh. Gale threw his arms around me in a big hug, squealing about how much fun it was gonna be living together.

My friends advised me against going back to school the next Monday. They also advised me against turning in my job applications at the coffee cart, the café, and the Pasta Shack, which was located near the apartment. "Clem, you don't need to go get a job yet," Gale had pointed out while the three of us sat in their living room, eating dinner off paper plates like we did every night.

I shook my head. "I want to. I'll need it when I go find my own place."

"What? Clem, you're staying here," Eddie spoke up, taking my good wrist gently in his hands. Blushing, I stared up at him. Of course it only made sense to me that I'd go find somewhere else to live. I couldn't take advantage of my friends like this, not for much longer. Living with them was fun and I loved being able to spend every day so close to them, but I didn't want to wear out my welcome. "We want you here, sweetie. Gale and I have been trying to get you to come stay with us for ages."

"But-"

"Just stay here with us. It'll be easier if we just stay together," Gale interrupted, slinging an arm around my shoulders to hug me. My cast was pressed uncomfortably into my stomach, but I didn't really care. His embrace was warm and welcoming. "In the summer, when our lease is up, we're gonna go find a three bedroom apartment. Then you won't have to sleep on a cot anymore! Think you can rough it out until then?"

In all honesty, the cot never bugged me. It was as Gale had said; I had all the freedom to sleep in the same room of whichever friend I desired. Most nights, I stuck with Eddie. Occasionally I'd climb out of my cot and slide under the sheets beside him. He didn't mind but occasionally made comments about how it was a little soon. Ale didn't know about the bed sharing and Eddie was always worried about how he'd react.

"Well, it's not like we're doing anything wrong," I pointed out one night. I was nestled under his arm comfortably. "I just feel better when I'm close to someone while I sleep. You make me feel safe."

"I'll always keep you safe," Eddie had muttered back, smoothing back my hair distractedly. I had absolutely no doubts in my mind that he was telling the truth. At least with Eddie, I rarely had to worry about what he filled my head with. "And you're right. We're not really doing anything wrong."

I got the job at the Pasta Shack and started the following Thursday, which was also the day I finally got all of Kyla's stuff together to send off to his parents. When I came home from my first shift- which went beyond amazing, by the way, albeit a little overwhelming- and the post office, I was surprised to find I'd forgotten one of the boxes. It was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, plain as day.

"I'm an idiot," I huffed when Eddie came in after his own shift. I had peeled open the box and was staring blankly down at the contents. My good day had been brought to an abrupt halt at the sight of Kyla's red hoodie and the ring he had given me. Frowning, I lifted up the ring and showed it to my friend, "I left one box."

Eddie shrugged as he walked by, removing the nametag from his shirt. "Yeah, I saved it for you," he explained, his voice an obvious attempt at causal that failed. He sounded knotted up.

"What?"

"I knew you didn't really want to get rid of it, but you felt like you had to. When we brought the boxes over, I put that one in my closet so you wouldn't get rid of something that meant so much to you," Eddie admitted, somewhat sheepishly. He rubbed the back of his neck and made a move to grab the box, but I pulled it back protectively. "See? I knew you wanted it."

I stared down into it, sucking on my lip. "Are you mad?"

"Of course not, Clemmy," he assured me, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "You are allowed to mourn."

"But he hurt me," I mumbled, unable to look at him. I carefully removed the hoodie and examined it. The awful scent that always seemed to follow Kyla wafted up at me; cigarettes and cheap cologne. It used to entice me; my head would become light with joy and love, but now all I felt was this hollow longing. I knew that was wrong. I knew I shouldn't want Kyla and yet...

"I'm not allowed to miss him, Eddie."

"You can't control that stuff. Even if he was a complete oxygen thief, Kyla meant something to you, Clem. Please stop giving yourself a hard time over this," Eddie soothed, reaching over and pulling me flush against him. The hoodie still rested in my grasp. I brought it closer, inhaling as though it contained the only air in the room. "Are you feeling okay? On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

The scale had started three days after Kyla's departure from life. Eddie remembered being asked that in the hospital before after hitting his head on some pavement while climbing some monkey bars with Gale. During his evaluation, the nurse asked him that question and his pain level was, according to him, at a nine. While telling me this story, Eddie admitted it was probably only a six but he exaggerated.

I shrugged. "Maybe a seven? Eight seems a little much, but six feels too low."

"Seven calls for ice cream," he murmured, rubbing my side. The offer was genuine, but I didn't want to leave the apartment. I wanted to stay right there with my box and with Eddie and just feel my grief so that I could erase it as soon as possible. My friend allowed me this. He lifted me up bridal style, forcing a weak smile to my face, and carried me into the living room so that he could prepare us some dinner.

Standing at the counter, removing a few cans of soup from the cupboard, Eddie called to me, "You've been eating good lately."

"I guess so," I murmured, pressing my face into the soft fabric of the hoodie. It hadn't occurred to me until right then how my grief might hurt Eddie. We both were aware now of how we felt about each other. Despite my earlier insistences, Ed liked me in the deep way I liked him. Did watching me pine away for Kyla make him feel crappy? Was he angry that I missed Kyla when I had him right there?

If I were in his place, I think I'd be a little offended, but it was like Eddie said! I couldn't control my feelings.

As much as I wanted to completely forget Kyla and just move on, I couldn't. I couldn't do that for myself or Eddie or Ale and I hated it. For them, it was so unfair, and for me it was unfair. For all of us, my missing Kyla was just so unfair.