Fix You ~Completed~

Act Thirty-Five

"And they have him all doped up now?"

"Don't say it like that... but yes, he's on quite a bit of medication at the moment. It wasn't just a broken arm. His rubs were also a little messed up. He admitted his whole stomach was really sore when the doctor was asking him questions and she did some more x-rays."

"Does he have a cracked rib or something?"

"It's a fractured rib, actually. There isn't much we can do. Clemmy just needs to take some pain meds and apply ice when it's needed."

I held my hand up, admiring the thick plaster cover that hid my arm from my sight. The whole world was a little blurry at the moment. "Guys, does this what it feels like to be high? I-I feel so wonky," I mumbled, looking around to find them. Eddie brushed his thumb against my good hand, reminding me that they were standing to my left and not my right. "Am I high? I'm not high, am I? Eddie?"

"Sweetie, you're just on a lot of medication right now to numb the pain," Eddie clarified. I giggled at the nickname. Sweetie. It sounded like sweet-tea. Ha, Eddie was so funny. "Clem, Gale's here."

"I know! Didn't I say hi? I meant to say hi. Hi, Ale! I missed you! It's only been two days but I really missed you!" I trilled, giving him my biggest, brightest smile. I couldn't recall the last time I used that smile. In fact, I couldn't recall much of anything right then. My memory was a little scrambled.

Gale appeared beside Eddie in a hoodie with a blurry face of a dog on it. Or maybe it was a normal dog face, but my eyes were telling me it was warped like that. Huh, how rude, eyes. "Hey, buddy. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" he gently responded, setting his hand down on Eddie's shoulder.

"Coffee," I groaned, rolling my shoulders into the hospital pillow. I'd been laid out on a bed in a room for the last hour while Eddie fiddled with his phone and squeezed my hand every few minutes to make sure I was doing okay. I wondered what he was doing on his device. My best bet was he was playing Candy Crush or something. Ed seemed like a Candy Crush kind of guy.

"Can he have coffee right now?" Ale addressed Eddie, his face worn with worry. Oh god, I hoped I didn't cause that. I never wanted my friends to be that concerned about me.

"Oh, yeah. I checked it out already. There is no issue with taking pain killers and caffeine, so it should be safe," Eddie assured him with a smile. "If there was, I bet Clem wouldn't keep taking his meds, right?"

"Of course not! I need coffee!" I insisted, pouting like a little boy. Was it just my imagination or did Eddie look at my mouth when I did that? Aw, he was so cute.

Gale went off to make a coffee run, promising a cinnamon latte for both of us. "And Eddie, none of you know what while I'm gone, okay?" he mumbled before leaving, thwacking his friend gently across the shoulder.

I stared at Eddie, giggling. "What is you know what? Is he warning you not to steal any pills from the hospital? If so, that is absolutely scandalous, Ed."

These medications made me feel okay. I didn't hurt anywhere; I just felt soft and a little dizzy, but okay. It was similar to the way I felt that time Kyla gave me sleeping pills when I had a really bad cold. I was brought right to the edge of sleep while I was sitting up straight, finishing a quick line on an essay I was writing for class, and my whole world kept trying to tip over into oblivion. Kyla actually had to carry me to bed, grumbling that he'd probably given me a higher dosage than what was safe for a twig like me.

"He's just warning me not to go after Kyla with a crowbar," Eddie huffed. While I dozed a little, admiring those watery eyes of his, Eddie decided my hair needed some rearranging. He laced his fingers through the strands that covered the top of my head and pushed them back with care. "I want to. I really do, Clemmy. If I wasn't too scared to leave you alone, I would go."

"Yeah, you shouldn't leave me alone," I agreed, blinking my eyes repeatedly to force them not to close permanently. Boy, were they trying to fall on me. I refused to let them steal that perfect view of Eddie away from me; I wanted to finish our talk and finish staring at him like this. It would be one of the last times I saw him. I had to make it count. "That could lead to bad things, my friend."

"I know."

The sputtering sound he made after saying that made me want to cry with him. "Eddie, did you understand what I was telling you earlier? You've seemed really depressed ever since we talked," I inquired, running my tongue along the roof of my mouth. It felt drier than usual.

"You want to kill yourself, right?"

"Uh-huh. It's the only way things can be okay. You get that, don't you?"

Eddie's facade of calm broke as he hissed: "I'm not losing you!"

"The only way I can be happy is if I'm dead, Eddie. We both know I'm never leaving my Kyla. I can't... I can't exist without him. You have to understand. You can't ask me to keep living when I'm so miserable, Eddie. I would never ask the same thing of you," I whispered, shaking my head. Oddest thing, that misery that constantly seemed to be choking me wasn't present in that moment. I felt calm, I felt peace.

I was so ready to die. I'd never been readier before.

But my friend looked as though someone had just ripped his heart from his chest with a rusty pair of normal sized tweezers. (I imagined that'd be painful with the little tongs. Oh dear.)

Love is such a funny thing.

"Clem, you can't just leave us. You don't need Kyla. Despite what that asshole has programmed you to think, you can survive without him. Come home with Gale and I. We will take care of you. We will protect you," Eddie begged, rising to his feet. Our hips met when he sat beside me in the bed. "Let me be there for you. Let me save you. Let me love you, Clem. Please, just let me love you."

"Love me?" I echoed. Both my eyes were on his hands while they made their way to my hollowed cheeks. His touch was like the familiar plush of a blanket. I leaned into it without hesitation. "Ed, don't cry like that. I hate seeing you cry. You're so... so happy-looking. Seeing you cry makes you look so sad."

"I am sad right now, Clem! I'm beyond sad! I'm fucking destroyed because you want to... you want to leave us."

"I don't want to leave you and Ale, Eddie," I promised, moving closer to him. Eddie was still holding my face. He was still looking down at me with those crying eyes and I hated it.

Not contemplating how weird it could make things, I started to wipe away his tears with my boney fingers. The way his eyes lit up when I did this told me millions of little pieces of information. I didn't read a single one of them. I was too absorbed in the fact he was no longer tearing up. "Thank goodness. I hate seeing you cry so much, Eddie," I sighed, giving him a smile. "You're so adorable. Don't ever let yourself get dragged so far down like that."

"You..." He shook his head, disbelieving. "You are so drugged up, aren't you?"

I laughed louder than I shoulder have, tossing myself against him. My bad arm I kept held out from Eddie, avoiding the pain. My stomach didn't even give a shudder of protest; it simply allowed me to touch him freely.

"You know I am," I said into his shoulder, my voice muffled. His lips touched the top of my forehead. "But I mean it. I mean everything. You are so adorable."

"And you are so beautiful that it makes me hate the world," Eddie responded in a murmur, making me laugh even harder.

I loved how he'd lie for me. He was such a good friend.