Falling in Love With Dan Smith

9

***WARNING TRIGGERING SHIT AHEAD***
(A/N: Okay, so this is gonna be kind of a long one, so buckle up chucklefucks, this is gonna be a wild ride)

When we get to the hotel, we check in and we go up to his room. And of course, on the way, we bump into Sophie.
"What the absolute fuck do you think you're doing?" She says, grabbing my arm and pulling me away. "What did I say? He's mine, you bitch. Back the fuck off."
"Hey. I don't know who you are or what you want, but you can't just say shit like that to her. She didn't do anything. And I'm not yours, I don't belong to you, in any way. So how about you back the fuck off?" Dan stepped in, putting a hand on my shoulder and pulling her steel fingers off of me, leaving white lines. "You find your own fucking way home, bitch. I'm leaving." She spat.
Dan turned us and we walked down the hall, away from her.
"IM HER FUCKING BEST FRIEND!" I hear her blurt from behind me.
Dan stops and smiles at her.
"No. No you're not. A friend is supposed to love and protect. What you just did? Proves to me that you guys aren't friends. By calling yourself her friend, you're holding on. Maybe it's time to let go." And with that, we went. I could hear her huffing and swearing behind me.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as we entered his hotel room.
"Dan-..." I said, my voice cracking into a small sob.
"Aw, Hey..." He said, enveloping me in a hug, his hand just in between my shoulders. "Don't cry, (Y/N)..." He said, pleadingly.
I wiped away the tears on my arm and I looked up at him.
"Dan y-... you didn't have to do that. I could have handled it myself." I whispered.
He smiled down at me. "I have no doubt that you could have. But you weren't going to. I could tell. The look on your face, the way you turned around as she swore at you. How often do you have to put up with that?" He asked cautiously.
I felt a pain in my chest and I grabbed my backpack off the floor.
"Almost every day of my life. Sometimes it makes me-...." I stop, casually covering my arm. "Sometimes it makes me do stupid things."
He tilted his head.
"Like what?"
"Dan. No."
"No what? What does it make you do?"
"I can't tell you." I could feel the urge forming in my palm. I want to grab my wallet, pull forward my credit card, and grab my razor out from behind it. It's where I've always kept it. Safely in my hand or pocket at all times. (This is so emo, I'm so sorry, I had to make it emo. It was the only way it would fit)
"(Y/N), you can tell me. I'm not gonna judge." He said gently.
"No!" I said, looking around for his bathroom.
"Just... I need a minute." I whispered. He nodded.
I walked to the bathroom and locked myself inside, sitting on the toilet and pulling my card forward and dropping the sharp silver into my hand.
And all the thoughts and flashbacks came flooding back to me.
———
"You though I wanted you? You're disgusting. You're so ugly. I've never fucking loved you." Devin said.
"Wait, plea-"
"I'm fucking done. We're done. You're done." And with that, he turned around to leave.
"Dev, please don't go!" I said, grabbing his arm. He whipped it back and slapped me, knocking me to the ground. He slammed the door, causing a picture of us to fall into the floor and shatter.
(Devin?? Don't ask, first name that came to mind I was in a rush)
——
I walked into my moms room, about six months after she died. I was only about 12. I was in the passenger seat and a log came off the truck in front of us and she swerved, causing the car to flip, crushing her.
My dad walks in behind me. I turn to look at him.
"It should have been you." He said softly.
My dad was never a drunk. But about a month after mum died, he took on the habit pretty quickly. And he got angry and violent. He'd beat me when he'd come home. He'd blame it all on me.
"She was just trying to protect me..." I whispered.
"Protect you?!" He shouted, storming in and grabbing a handful of my hair, jerking me back. "You don't deserve protection, you little bitch. It's all your fucking fault! She's dead because of you, and I'm going to make sure you never forget it." He growled, walking forward and slamming me face down onto the bed, ripping my jeans down and his own, and slamming into me from behind, making me scream.
"GET OFF ME! FUCKING GET OFF ME!" I screamed. He was raping me. In my dead mothers bed. And it was all my fault. (Ohhhh my godddd the draaaaamaaaaaa. So so sorry for graphic stuff, I had to make them bad memories because I'm a bad person and yeah)
"Don't fucking talk to me like that. I'm your father," he grabbed mums flower vase off the bedside table and smashed it against my head, 'finishing' inside me a few minutes later.
——
"I don't want it. I need you to help me. Take it out, please..." I begged the doctor.
I had called the police a few days afterwards. My dad had done that a few more times. He was locked up now, and again, it was all my fault.
"We'll make an appointment, Ms. (Y/N)." She said calmly. "Come in on the 22nd to see when your abortion date is."
(Pretty sure that's not how that works but okiiiie)
——
I sat in my apartment building, cutting my arm again and again. Deeper and deeper. It wasn't helping anymore. I took a chair and placed it in the closet. I grabbed my sheets and I tied them around my neck and stood in my closet, tying it to the metal pole going across, standing on the chair. And I stepped off. 
(Jesus. Sorry.)
——
I woke up in a hospital, and I cried.
My best friend was there, crying too. She said she had my dad on the phone and that he really wanted to speak to me. So, stupidly, I took the call.
He said I should have tried harder. And then he hung up.
—
My sobs grow louder without my knowing, I forgot where I was. I felt like I was back at home in my room. Cutting away at my sadness and self hatred.
"(Y/N), are you okay in there?" I heard Dan say.  He sounded worried.
I sniffed. "I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" I cried, crawling into the bathtub and shutting the curtains.
"...Can you let me in...?" Dan asked, resting the doorknob. "Unlock the door please..."  he twisted it again, with no success.
"I'm coming in one way or another, (Y/N)," he said. "I can hear you crying. And I want to help."
"You can't help me," I said, my voice croaky. "Nobody can help me..."
"Yes I can. Just let me in." He said.
I stayed silent. I looked down at my clothes, they were soaked in blood. None of the cuts were deep enough to cause fatal damage, but they were still cuts. The bleeding had slowed, and I wasn't dizzy this time.
Just when I thought he had left, the door came crashing open, Dan flying through.
"Sorry, (Y/N)... But I care too much about you to hear you cry and not help." He whispered.
"You don't care about me. You don't even know me." I spat.
"I know that you fucking LOVE milkshakes." He chuckled, but abruptly stopped when I didn't laugh with him.
"And I know that you're beautiful." He said softly, looking at the curtain. "And you're funny, and sweet, and kind. And you don't mind my weirdness and you accept me for who I am and not for what I do. And I-..." he paused. "I-I love you for that."
I started to cry again, harder than before. He loves me. Why?
"I love you too... but you'd change your mind when you realize what I am."
"And What are you?"
He pulls back the curtain, and I cower from him, covering my arm so he can't see, but I was too late. He already did, and was quickly reaching out for my wrist and pulling it down.
"(Y/N)..." He said, looking at me, his eyes filling with tears.
"Come here," He said, lifting me out of the tub and carrying me to the bed.
He lied me down and went to the cabinet by the bathroom and got towels, bacterial ointment, pain meds, and a bandage. He wet one of the towels before walking back to me.
As he goes to place the wet towel on my arm, he looks at me.
"This is going to hurt. A lot. But if we don't, this is going to get infected, and we can't have that."
He placed it down, a searing hot pain flashes through my body, and I hold in a scream.
"Why are you doing this?" I growl through my teeth.
He doesn't respond, but he keeps working. He smears the ointment evenly onto my wounds and covers a bandage over it, patting it once he's done, almost admiring his handiwork.

He lays down beside me and hands me three Advil's and a bottled water.
He watches me drink the water with the pills.
"Thanks..." I whispered, not looking at him.
"I know it's hard. I know it's difficult to stop the urge to do these things. I know how much it hurts to avoid it. I know what it's like." He says, staring up at the ceiling with his arms under his head.
I shoot a glare at him.
"How the hell could you know? It's not like you're a freak like me."
He slowly turned his head towards me and looked into my eyes.
"I know because I used to do it. And you're not a freak. You're amazing. And wonderful." He says, sitting up. "And don't ever let anyone tell you different. You're absolutely fucking beautiful and sexy and stunning and funny and you like milkshakes so that's a bonus." He says, bopping his head at the word 'bonus'.
Did he just call me Beautiful? And funny? These are all nice things. He must want something. Money or a favor or sex or something.
"What do you want...?" I asked suspiciously.
"I want you to be safe." He said, grabbing my hands in his. "And happy. And I want you to feel loved and appreciated. You deserve it."
(A/N: Like a man would ever do something nice and not want something in return get real)
He pulled me in for a hug and I buried my face into his shoulder.
"I love you, (Y/N)..." he whispered.
I smiled. "I love you too..."
—
We both lied down and watched some weird nature channel, and as I laid my head on his shoulder, he shut the TV off and started to sing to me and rub my back. He was singing oblivion.  I drifted off to sleep feeling safe and warm, for once.

DAN'S POV:
I sang oblivion to her, and even after she was fast asleep, I continued the melody softly to the end.
With the warmth radiating away from her, it wasn't hard for me to fall asleep soon after finishing the song.
I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Being happy, I mean. I fell asleep feeling protective over the beautiful woman curled against my body, my arms wrapped around her.