County Falls

Chapter 24: Trust Issues

My house was a disaster zone when I saw it in the light of day. I ran straight in to my mom's room after Jase left and proceeded to toss and turn all through the night. I replayed the kiss over and over and over again until I was so hot and bothered that I had to take a cold shower to cool myself down.

Two weeks without seeing him would be both a good and bad thing. I was going to take this time to process what I was feeling and decipher what it is that I truly wanted. I also had to deal with the fallout from Justin's betrayal as well as my backstabbing friend. I was still pissed off that she invited Vanessa in the first place. None of this would have happened if it weren't for Lauren. It was going to be a long vacation. Two hours of cleaning, sanitizing, and throwing my bed sheets away, I finally felt comfortable in my room.

During my house cleansing, I received numerous phone calls from Justin who I decided to ignore for now and only a few text messages from Lauren asking where I ran off to after the party. I tossed my phone aside, still not ready to deal with the reality, when I saw my gift from Jason. I picked it up and started to play with all the buttons and study its features. The camera was like none I'd ever used before. It was a real professional one and I don't know what came over me but I suddenly snapped a picture of my room. It was just a normal picture. Nothing artistic or interesting about it but then I took a picture of my desk and another of my closet until I had about 20 pictures of every corner of my room.

I was starting to enjoy myself so I went downstairs and started taking pictures of the living room and kitchen and when I was done with that, I went outside to take more. Creativity was starting to take over me. The camera fit perfectly in to my hand and once it was there, it was like I had never taken the time away. The muscle memory in my hand took charge and I went a bit crazy with pictures. Without even noticing, I found myself back at the park. I stared at the tire swing remembering how happy I felt to be there, in the moment, kissing someone I loved. I nearly fell at this revelation. Love? What the hell did I know about love? I knew I cared about Jason, I knew he was always there for me no matter what, I knew he never judged me and I could be myself around him. I also knew I was attracted to him, just like every other women, but did that mean love? Yes, I finally admitted, I am in love with Jason Summers. He was my best friend and my inspiration and I was completely head over heels in love with him. I snapped a picture of the tire swing. Just one shot that meant everything to me.

***

My mother came home on monday completely elated, which was good for me since she didn't notice any evidence of a party. She showed me hundreds of pictures of her trip to New York, about 50 of which were of pigeons.

"You would love it there Kai!"

"Well I do love pigeons." I said sarcastically. She still didn't know of my desire to move there when school was over, but after visiting, I don't think she would need much convincing for me to go, in fact, I think she would pack her bags and move with me. Phone calls from Justin decreased over the next few days until finally, they just stopped. I think he was starting to get the picture. We were over. It Didn't take a genius to figure that out.

I spent my days taking pictures of everything and everyone. It proved to be the perfect distraction from my feelings for Jase. Once inspiration hit me, it was hard to stop. I dragged Aidan all over town taking pictures of anything that interested me, which included a lot of him.

Seeing Aidan through the lens was like seeing a completely different person. I always appreciated Jason's face for its symmetry but Aidan's face wasn't perfect and that made it beautiful.

"Would you stop taking pictures of me Kai! Its freaking me out!"

"I can't help it." I said snapping another shot, "You're very photogenic." We were in a woodsy area about an hour out of town. I made Aidan stop here on our wanderings because of a bridge that I remembered was here. Aidan stood at the bridge peering over the river, looking pensive and I couldn't stop myself from capturing the moment.

"Thanks for the compliment. Why the sudden urge to take pictures? You haven't had a camera on you all year." Aidan knew of my photography slump and was polite enough not to ask any questions but I knew he'd been dying to ask me all about it.

"Not sure exactly. Inspiration just hit me." I decided not give the complete reason for my new found motivation. I couldn't tell him it was "love" without sounding like a love sick asshole.

After a few moments of silence Aidan took it upon himself to bring up, what is now referred to as "that night."

"We never spoke about that night."

"There's not really much to say. Justin is a cheating bastard and Vanessa is a bitch. Pretty much sums it up don't you think?" I felt the anger well up again but was able to contain it by taking more photos.

"I know Lauren feels bad about everything,"

"Does she? Because last I checked she was the one who invited her in the first place after I told her I didn't want her there."

"Give her a chance Kai. She didn't know what was going to happen. I told her I would convince you to talk to her."

Figures he would do that. "Fine but I'm only doing this for you. If I don't like what I hear, I'm leaving."

"Fair enough." He peeked back down at the river. "Lets go down there and take a few shots."

I followed him as he led the way.

It was Christmas Eve when I got a text from Jason. He hadn't got in touch with me at all since he left and he wanted to wish my mother and me a Merry christmas. It wasn't much but it gave me hope. My mother and I decided to keep this holiday low key since thanksgiving was such a spectacle. We made cookies and drank egg nog and watched the endless marathon of 'A christmas story" that played every year. Rick, who was now officially my moms boyfriend, was out of town and couldn't join our fun, but he did send over a lovely bottle of expensive champagne which my mom actually shared with me. I was finishing my first mimosa when the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" my mom asked.

"Maybe the church carolers. Hide out here and I'll get rid of them."

I walked to the door with my best 'bah humbug face', ready to scare off the singers but was surprised when it was Lauren at my door, fruit cake in hand.

"Oh, it's you."

"Nice to see you too."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I thought you were carolers. I was getting ready to shoo them off."

"No carolers here. Can we talk?"

I nodded and closed the door behind me.

"What's on your mind?" I asked trying to be nonchalant about everything.

"I wanted to apologize for your birthday disaster. It was my fault Vanessa was there." No shit, I thought to myself. "I was too drunk to even think about how bad the situation could get."

"It's ok Lauren. Really. I've moved on from the whole ordeal and I'm sorry for not calling you back."

"It's understandable. I deserved it." she said. "Theres something else. Justin and Vanessa are a couple now. I wanted to warn you just in case she made a big deal out of it."

"Oh." I nervously twirled my hair. "Well, I hope they're happy. Those two deserve each other."

"That's it? I thought you would be spewing lava after that news."

"I'd have to care to be angry and I just don't care anymore." Lauren gave me a skeptical look, clearly not believing me but she didn't have to. It was the truth.

After standing there in awkward silence, I was going to excuse myself when Lauren asked "Where did you and Jase run off to afterwards?" I wasn't expecting that question.

"We sat and talked." And kissed, I thought to myself.

"He was making sure I was ok. That's all."

"I figured. Jase is good at comforting." How would she know that?

"I'll let you go now. My mom baked this for you and Kat." She handed me the fruit cake. "See you around?"

"Sure." I gave her a polite smile and as she left I felt a sudden shift in our friendship. It wasn't comfortable like it use to be. I didn't tell her about my feelings for Jase and what truly happened after we left my party because I no longer trusted her. I wiped my face free of tears and closed the door behind her.