Teaching Nostalgia [Gumlee]

Chapter 25

(Reuploading with better art - credit goes to saragapen on tumblr, instagram and wattpad)

I stayed silent for a while, shocked and... almost turned on a little? This man, the guy I'm in love with, who I've also been waiting to get with since I was fourteen, was now in my bed asking me to have sex with him. Ugh, in the most adorable way too. Holy fucking shit.

"Oh..." I stated like an idiot, still very shocked. Every time I tried to get intimate with him while we were dating, he'd stop me. But now all of a sudden he wants to? This is new. Straight guys are so funny like that. "So the reason you came over here in the middle of the night was for a booty call?"

He cleared his throat, moving to stand up. "I'm sorry! Forget it! This is weird, I know. Trust me, this wasn't the only reason why I came over, I really did want to talk with you." Marshall paced the room. "Ugh I don't want it to seem like I'm just here to use you but... I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone else... I'm sorry. You don't have to do this." I stood and grabbed his shoulders, ceasing his nervous pacing.

"Calm down before you have a panic attack too," I joked. Marshall Lee's head was hung low, his face in his hands. I rubbed his shoulders, trying to comfort him. "Lee, look at me." His head lifted and his arms dropped, but his long, wavy locks covering his eyes prevented him from making eye contact. I rolled my eyes, pushing his hair back myself. "Don't be embarrassed. You're not the only bicurious guy who's asked me for some help." Marshall's eyes lowered at that and I felt sort of guilty, but then I remembered he dumped me and didn't feel so bad anymore.

I hooked a finger under his chin, lifting his head to look at me. Did he shrink? Or did I get taller? Our eyes met and I stared into his for a second. "Even if you are just using me for your own experimentation, I'm glad it's you." If he ends up not liking this and goes back to girls for the rest of his life, at least I'll have this.

Marshall blinked his auburn eyes. "Barnaby, that's horrible. You shouldn't let anyone just use you."

I smiled, pulling him towards the bed and sitting him down. "Yeah, maybe." I knelt on the bed right over him, caressing his face. "But I don't care. All I care about it you." This is my chance to make everything right again, to get him to come back to me and hopefully stay.

Marshall looked up at me sadly. "You should care about yourself too... I'm not that important."

I ran my other hand through his hair, leaning my body closer to his. "That's where you're wrong, you're so important to me. And I do care about myself, I just care about you more." I remembered back to when he broke up with me, and how he said he had to love himself before he could love me. He couldn't be more wrong. Relationships are about building each other up, supporting and helping each other. You can't just place that burden on yourself and expect it to be easy without the help of someone else. He's going through a lot right now, we both are, and he needs someone to be there and help him. It should be me. And I need him to help me too.

Believe me, I'm going through my own thing too and it's hard. But his presence just being here immediately makes me feel better. He distracts me from my own mind and I feel so comfortable around him, I feel normal. I couldn't imagine trying to fight this myself. He needs to understand that.

"Why won't you let me help you anymore?" I asked sort of randomly. Marshall Lee dropped his head, leaning it against my chest. He must've understood what I meant; about helping him with his depression and loving himself. My hands flocked to his hair.