Forbidden (Punk Luke Hemmings)

thirty three

“So, when are they letting you out?” I asked Claudia, picking at the grass — like I usually did. We were outside for our exercise period again, and we were doing what we always did, sitting where we always did.

“Uh, I don’t know… Depends,” she murmured softly, focusing on making a daisy chain.

I nodded.

“What about you?” she asked, “I don’t know either… soon hopefully, God I miss her so much.” I sighed. 

She stopped fumbling about with the flowers in front of her and turned to me.

“You still think she’ll want you back?” she questioned seriously. 

“What do you mean?” I retorted, furrowing my eyebrows.

“I mean like… you lied to her, went behind her back, you did drugs — heroin to be exact. Her mum overdosed from heroin. Do you really think she’ll just take you back? Like, if I was her, I wouldn’t want to even see you again.” she clarified. 

“You don’t even know her, of course she’s going to want me back,” I snapped, returning to my focus to the strands of grass in front of me.

“Are you sure about that, Luke? Be realistic. Have a think about it.” she asserted, looking away and continuing with her daisy chain.

“Have a think about it?! Jesus Claudia I think about ‘it’ every god damned fucking day. Honestly just stay the fuck out of it” I hissed.

“Jesus, calm down” she teased. 

“Sorry… I just, I don’t know” I mumbled.

“It’s fine. I get it. Like, when people assume shit about Sam — or the relationship we had, it pisses me the fuck off. Like shut up, you don’t even know him. You don’t know us, so don’t be an asshole.” she reasoned.

I nodded, “Yeah. Like when I left she was so fucking angry at me, the look that she wore on her face — God, it literally broke my heart in two. I think I’d rather light myself on fire than witness the way she looked at me that day again. But she has a bit of a temper, not like, a violent one, but one where she reacts really quickly to things and she always overreacts with them, and she’ll always come and apologise within an hour or so. And so like, she’s probably been beating herself the fuck up about it which I feel absolutely terrible for, but I’m doing this for her. It’s going to be okay.” I went on, but it was more as if I was talking to myself, reassuring myself that everything was going to be okay. I had gone over all of this in my head so many times, it was overwhelming to be exact.

“She’s got your friends though right? Like, they should be taking care of her, yeah?” she questioned.

“Yeah. I hope so.” I nodded.

“Hey look,” she burst out, pointing at something in the sky. I turned my focus to what she was pointing at, it was a plane.

Immediately my heart sunk, and all I could think about was Daniella. On the plane ride home from England, she would’ve had an empty seat next to her.

I should’ve been sitting in that seat, I should’ve been holding her, laughing with her, kissing her. But I wasn’t. I was here; instead.

God, I just want to be with her again. I want to feel her presence next to mine, I want to wake up instinctively in the middle of the night — when she usually crawls closer next to me, and wrap my arm around her, holding her so close to me, as if she would slip away if I loosened my grip.

But that was the thing, I was so hypnotised by the presence of the beautiful girl I used to call mine, so numb from her kisses, and her just in general, that I didn’t even notice she was slipping right through my fingertips. 

I longed for the feeling of her next to me, our hearts beating in time, I just wanted to hold her all night, and tell her — over and over, that she was all mine.

No one else’s, mine.

“You okay?” she questioned softly, turning her head to look at me.

“Yeah” I claimed.

Ding, ding, ding

The bell sounded, and Claudia and I both stood up, dusting off our tracksuit pants. 

We walked together into the caffe', seating ourselves at our usual spot. Soon enough Chris and Hayden made their way over, sitting across from us like always.

Our table was called shortly to go and collect our food, we always had a buffet for breakfast and lunch, so when your table was called, you grabbed your tray, and moved along the buffet — picking out the foods you liked and placing them on your tray. There was no limit, either, which was amazing. 

Once Claudia, Chris, Hayden and I had all finished getting our food, we all sat down in our previous spots.

We all sat silently eating our food until Chris spoke up.

“I’m getting out next week” he announced, grinning ear to ear.

My head immediately shot up.

“What? R-really?” I stammered.

“Yeah, I can’t believe it. They said I’ve made brilliant progress and they were ready to release me. They gave me the option of staying another two months or going, but fuck that! I’m going. Shit, I haven’t been this happy since… oh fuck I’ve never been this happy!” he exclaimed.

The only reason this really interested me was because Chris and I were both in here for a heroin addiction, and also the fact that he came in here after I did. He came in after me, and he was getting released before me? 

“That’s awesome Chris” Claudia piped up, smiling at him and then looking to me — 100% aware of what was going through my head.

After that, I lost my appetite which was pretty unfortunate as I hadn’t gotten around to eating my chicken yet. 

My mind was buzzing for the rest of lunch, which felt like it dragged on for hours. All I wanted to do was have my counselling session with Andrea, and ask her what the fuck was going on. 

Finally the bell that announced the end of lunch sounded, and I immediately rose out of my seat starting to walk at a fast pace towards my room for my session with Andrea, but a dainty hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me in my tracks.

I turned around, seeing it was Claudia who has stopped me.

“What?” I asked eagerly.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Luke.” she advised.

I nodded quickly before swiftly turning around and walking the quickest I think I ever have to my room, Claudia’s words playing over, and over in my head.

I got to my room, seeing Andrea out the front as always, before she opened the door to my room and let us both in, sitting on one of the chairs, and me on the other.

“You seem uneasy, is there something wrong?” she addressed.

I nodded eagerly.

“I um, Chris said he’s getting released next week. Does that mean I am too?” I questioned, biting my lip.

She sighed, looking to the ground — as if she was expecting my very words.

“Luke, about that… You're under 18, therefore you're not classified as a legal adult in Australia for starters, and you're no where near being classified as one in the states. To be signed out of a rehabilitation centre, you need a parent or guardian to do so." she explained.

I haven't seen or heard from my parents since I was 16 years old.

A/N
OH SHIT
so basically Luke can't get out of rehab unless his parents actually come to the rehab centre and sign him out. like even though John signed him in, John isn't his legal parent or guardian so John can't do anything about it.
ALSO THERE'S A PICTURE OF ANDREA ON THE SIDE :-)
two updates in two days, i'm on fireeee

*pretty please follow my 5sos instagram and get me to 2.3k followers! (it's @hardcoreluke)

Love you all so so much, thank you all for the lovely comments! 
        love,
ash xxx