The Spider & The Butterfly

Enter the Merc with a Mouth

Bold is banter with Deadpool in his head

Two men enter a shaded room and approach a man sitting at his desk. The filtered sunlight makes it hard to distinguish key features, but some can be seen. A man wearing a green and black stripped polo and khakis starts to speak. 

"Boss, about that mercenary you wanted, we got em." the man said to his boss at the desk. 

"Excellent Marko. Bring him in." the fedora wearing man commanded. The two henchman stood in silence. Frustrated by them wasting time, the man slammed his fist on the desk. "What are ya, deaf? I said bring him in!" he growled. 

The third man spoke. "Sorry sir. It's just we don't know if you'll like this one." he explained. 

"I don't pay you yahoos to doubt. I pay you to do what I say. Now bring. Him. In. Mackerel." 

"It's Macklin, sir. And right away." he said and stepped out of the room. Moments later, he walked back in with another figure. 

"And you are?"

The figure walked up. He was wearing red and black spandex. Full face mask of the same color and the lenses inverse to Spider-Man's. He sported twin katanas on his back and a brown utility belt. 

"Call me Deadpool. It rhymes with no school, too cool, ain't no fool, and 'I'm the best there is at what I do-ool." he introduced. 

'Why are we even in this story?'

'Because I'm awesome and the writer couldn't resist.'

'More like you held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his wife and kids.'

'I like my version better.' 

"What the heck is up with this guy?" the fedora wearing man asked. 

Marko shrugged. "He said he'd do-" "It on two conditions." Deadpool interrupted. "One. Moneyyy! Superheroes aren't cheap. Two. All of you, yes especially you readers, head to watch my new movie Deadpool 2, which gives me even more money!" D-pool leaned over to Macklin and wrapped his arm around his neck. "Between you and me. Cable is my bae."

"What?" Macklin asked as he pulled away. 

"Oh you'll find out. Now back to business." the mercenary said as he leaned against the wall. "What do ya need, Mr. B."

"I need you to take out Spider-Man."

"The Webhead? I love Spider-Man! We're totally besties, but he doesn't know it yet. 

'You got the wrong universe dingus.'

'Whoops. But we'll still have some sick comedy right?'

"I don't need you two best friends. I need him out of the picture. Got it?" the boss said. 

"Yes sir, mister bad guy sir!" Deadpool said while doing a salute. "One fried bug coming right up!" And with that he left the room. 

The fedora wearing man face palmed. "Why do I hire nothing but idiots?"

"I don't think I'm an idiot boss." Marko said, receiving a punch to the shoulder by Macklin. 

"It's been a few days since Peter had started wearing what he called his 'Black suit' and he's been an even better hero than before!" Star narrated while laying on her bed. "With the new duds(that's Earth slang right?), he's stronger, faster, and tougher than before. And he has unlimited webbing too somehow. Oh! Lett's not forget that suit can form on and off him for instant changing. Who knew something could do all that!"

The girl glanced over to a picture of the Parkers and herself. "But something seems off about him. Just can't place it..." she shrugged. "Oh well. Hey Pete! Want to go out?" she yelled across the hall. 

"Sure." he called. When they met a few minutes later, Peter's attire was different than normal. He had his hair slicked back, and wore a black hoodie instead of his usual red one and a white shirt underneath. 

Star studied her best friend over. "Wow Pete. You look, uh, different. I mean it's nice! Like in a cool, bad cop kind of way."

"Thanks. Figured it was time for some change." he said as he put black shades on. "Hey May! Me and Star are heading out."

"Okay you two. Be safe!" the woman called from her room. 

In the city, Deadpool was walking among the general crowd. "Hmm. How to get the attention of a superhero? I could try mugging someone? Nah too quiet. Ooh! Steal from a museum! Never mind. That's such an overused battle background."

Then a light bulb went off beside Deadpool's  head. "I got it! The subway system! There's no way a little ruckus there won't grab his attention." he said. He looked over to the light bulb, grabbed it, and chucked it at a wall. "Hahaha! That never gets old."

'What about the other Avengers?'

'They're too busy swimming in their money from Infinity War to give a rat's *bleep* about me.'

"Wait, censors? Why the *bleep* are *bleep*ing censors here? Curse you PG rating!" he yelled, earning looks from everyone nearby. "Oh well. Commence Deadpool v. Spidey phase one." he said as he took off.