Falling Too Hard

Trying

I'm too fucking tired. Lying in the dark, in the many folds of my bedsheets, I'm tired. But, of course, I can't sleep. I haven't been able to for the past three nights. Tori being home made me happy, because it's really hard to be alone right now. I've decided that I think too much, and I need to just take it easy, but I can't. Too many things are creeping up on me, like crouching tigers, concealing themselves in the underbrush. Ugh. There I go again. Too much thinking. Too many metaphors.

Jesus I need to sleep. I want to let my mind rest. Although, there are a few things I would like to avoid dreaming about. For example: Trey. Every time I speak to him, I feel myself begin to blush. He always laughs at me, and calls me stupid. But I still can't handle dreaming about him again.

And... I miss Mattie. I haven't seen him in days. The hospital has called me a few times, but I ignore it. Every time I think of visiting him, I feel an overwhelming guilt. My very dreams now revolved around Trey, so how could I even face Mattie? I know that he'll want an explaination when I do visit him, and I needed to think of what I'll say.

A few more minutes pass, and before I know it, the sun begins to rise.

"Shit."

I cover my eyes with my arm, and roll over so my back faces the window and the oncoming day. I can hear a door creak open down the hall, and footsteps hurrying towards my room. Suddenly, my door slams open and a human-like figure flys on to my bed.

"WAKE UP SYDNEYYYYYYYY!"

I groan.

"SYDNEYYYY!"

Wait.

"GET YOUR ASS UPPPP!"

Holy shit.

"SYDNE- Umph!"

I jolt up and knock Tori off my bed.

"DO I SMELL FUCKING BREAKFAST WAFFLES?!"

"YES, SYDNEY, THERE ARE BREAKFAST WAFFLES!"

"MOM IS HOME?!?!"

"YEAH, MOM IS HOME!"

I let out a shriek of delight and throw myself out of bed, and and my door. I barely hear Tori shout, "Wait for meeeeee!"

I run into the kitchen where I see my mom standing there, like she'd been there forever, making us steaming plates of the most delicious breakfast waffles you'd ever taste.

"Mom!"

"Morning, Sydney."

"MOM!" I run to her and squeeze her tightly. She and my dad had been in Hawaii on a much needed vacation. It had lasted for almost two months.

"Hi, Syd. Ooof - Sit down, will you? I'm not done with these last few.

I giggle. "Yes, momma." I slide into a stool that sits below the marble counter. It's usually so cold in the morning, but now its warm from the heat of the waffles.

"I really hope you've been good while we were away. You and Tori."

"I promise I've been good." I said with a smile.

"Good. So, what did I miss? How's Mattie?" I felt a pain in my chest just thinking about him.

"Well... He's good, I think. But... they said at the hospital he would be out after a couple more surgeries, and he's not out yet."

"Oh, don't worry Syd. I'm sure he's fine."

"Okay."

Tori came in and we all ate breakfast together. We were caught up on Mom's travels, and Tori's too. Soon, Mom and Dad left for work, and Tori met up with some of her friends. I was alone.

I went to my room and put on some music. I like to play my music really loud when I'm alone. It just feels... right. I piled up a stack of good books, and some cookies from my personal stash. Then I turned on my TV and put on the captions. I got about two hours of me-time until my phone rang. I turned off the music and picked it up. It was Trey, and he sound upset.

"Hey, S-Sydney."

"Hi Trey. Are you okay? Trey?"

"I-I..." His voice was wobbly and weak.

"Trey, what's going on?"

"It's-It's my mom. She... She died this morning." He started sobbing.

"Trey..." My voice softened, "I'm so sorry."

"I just-" He began to cry again.

"Shh, shh, it's gonna be okay. Where are you?"

"I'm... I'm at your door."

"Oh! Oh. I'll come get you."

"Okay..."

I hung up the phone and ran to the door. When I flung it open, he was standing there, and I wrapped him in a hug.

"It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay."

I pulled him in and closed the door. Tears started trickling down his cheeks, and I hugged him again and sat him down on my bed.

"Trey, I'm so sorry. I know you really loved your mom. I-"

Before I could say anything else, Trey turned his head, bent down, and kissed me. It was passionate, and sad. I could taste the salty tears that had been flowing down his face. When he broke off, he stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry. I had to." I felt guilt rushing through my body as he said those words. But I made a decision right then and there.

I grabbed his head and pulled him back into a kiss. At first he was tense, but then he relaxed and melted into me. His hands coursed up and down my back, and eventually found my hips. I kept on kissing him. It became intense. My hands found the bottom of his shirt, and pulled it off. His skin was smooth, like silk.

He pulled off my tank-top, and stood up. Without breaking the kiss, I undid his belt and pulled off his pants, and then my pajama shorts. He fell back onto the bed, and I rolled on top of him. I giggled when he began fumbling with my bra, and kissed him again. When he finally got it, we slid under the covers, and we just let go.

An hour later, he was asleep. I lay next to him and felt his chest rise and fall. There were a few more moments of silence, but then my phone rang. I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Sydney? It's me. I'm out."

It was Mattie.