Falling Too Hard

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After I got home, I sat alone in my room for hours, just thinking. The mistakes I made weighed heavily on me, and I couldn't shake the feeling that this would be the end for me. Not the end of my life, of course, but the end of my love. I had fucked up. I knew that I would fuck up again, too. Im not trustworthy, or a good person. I can't control myself. I won't let myself hurt anyone like that anymore.

~*~

After a few days of being alone and sulking, I wake up to laughter outside of my room. Does Tori have a friend over? And if she does, why are they here so early? I pick myself up off the mattress and make myself a little more presentable. I don't want to embarrass Tori or anything.

I slowly open my door and hear the chatter continue. My footsteps are soft along the carpeted floor, and when I get to the living room, I stop in shock.

Mattie is sitting on the couch with my sister in the kitchen baking, and they're chatting just like old friends.

"Mattie?" I speak up. They both looked over at me as if they were startled, and I had popped out of nowhere. "What are you... why are you here?"

"Hi... Sydney." Mattie said, pushing out a sad smile.

"What's going on...?"

"I came cause I felt like we needed to talk."

"Okay..."

"So can we?"

I took a pause for a moment. I was scared if what he had to say to me.

"Please?"

I sighed and beckoned him towards my room.

"See you later Tori." He called behind his shoulder. She smiled. She had always liked him when he came around. He would actually talk to her like an adult.

In my room, he sat down on the bed and I sat in the rolling chair. After I moment of silence, Mattie spoke.

"I know you're sorry."

That statement me me freeze up.

"I know, Syd. But it's hard for me. It hurt when you told me what happened. I have to let that heal."

"Mattie..."

"Syd, I love you. I know you love me back. I'm just worried this is gonna happen again. I don't think I can handle that Sydney."

"Mattie... I'm not that kind of person!" I exclaimed. Then, I thought for a moment..."At least I thought I wasn't that kind of person."

"I believe you... For now. But you'll have to prove it to me."

"How? How can I do that?"

He cracked a small grin. "Don't cheat on me again."

My head turn to face his again. "Does this mean...?"

"Yes, Syd. If you want to be."

"Oh, Mattie!"

"I always wanna be with you, Syd. Always."

Tears came to me eyes. I learned foward and kissed him. It was a true kiss, a kiss of forgiveness. I had always loved his kiss.