Falling Too Hard

Writings

Sydney,

             Hi. I don't really know what else to say other than 'hi'. I do know that I have to apologize, though. I know that we need to spend time together before I go. I don't even want to imagine going to college without you. I'm scared, to be honest. I don't know whats going to happen in my future. When these guys asked me to go camping with them, I didn't hesitate to say yes. I didn't even think about you, and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I was just happy that they were okay with me hanging out with them. I want to have friends when I get there, you know? But you, Sydney, you have been my friend through all of this, and I didn't even think about you when I said yes. But, I care about you so much. I want to spend time together, I want to be with you, and when I get back, I promise. I will. I love you Sydney. I love you so much. I need you, more than you need me, and I can't lose you. 

                             -Mattie

I found this letter in my mailbox, crammed in the back. It was dated from two days ago, the night that Mattie would have got to the camping grounds. 

I felt awful. Like the butterflies that I usually feel when I see Mattie have escaped, and they are trying to break out through my throat. I need air. No, I need relief. I need to forgive. I scavenged my desk for stationary, and a pen. Then, thinking ahead, I ran into my mother's office and grabbed an envelope. Quickly, I started to write. With a groan of frustration, I crumpled oup the paper and threw it out. This happened a couple more times and by the time I wrote the perfect letter, I was too afraid to send it. My hands shook as I placed the letter in the envelope.

I sealed and stamped it, and left it on my desk. I couldn't send it. I just couldn't.

Before I could even attempt to pick up the letter, my phone rang, piercing the silence with a joyful beat.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Sydney?" I remembered this person's voice. It was the girl from the car. She sounded nervous.

"Yeah..."

"Ohmygod, thank god."

"What it is...?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but you were the first person I thought to call..."

"Okay, what?"

"It's Mattie, he's hurt. I dont know if he's breathing..."