Falling Too Hard

Acceptance

Everything that I have said so far, everything I've shared, has lead up to here. This moment. Standing at the steps to my school, decided if I should walk up these stairs, one by one, and face him, or if I should run.

I want to run. But I know I can't. And I won't.

I take on the steps. When I arrive at the top step, I feel I wave of relief. I don't need to run, or hide. I am strong. At least, until I look through the glass double doors of my school. Dark skin. Short hair. Brown eyes. Looking at me.

I start pushing through the entrance. I need to see him. I need to yell. To cry. To be angry.

To see his face, one more time in front of mine.

I need him. But he doesn't need me. He turns away, and I walk past.

~•~

I walk into my third class of the day. Astronomy. I love the stars. They remind me of my freedom. I'm lucky.

I sit down and across the room, there he is. I didn't know he would take this class. But it was alright. The teacher took lead, and soon we were past introductions and getting into projects.

"I want to see how much you guys know, and how you work together. I am assigning a project that will incorporate art and interesting, essential facts from your past astronomy classes. Yes, there will be partners," at that, everyone sucked in a breath and looked at their closest friend." and yes, I will be picking them."

Everyone went quiet and listened for their names. It was all a blur until my name was called.

"Sydney A, and... Mattie F. That's everyone! Get in your pairs."

I looked at Mattie and didn't move. He got up and shuffled over to me. I stood up, and took out my laptop. I set it in between us and sighed.

"You just can't get rid of me, can you?"

"Sydney..."

"Don't. I don't want to hear."

"Well I need to say it anyway. I'm an idiot."

"I know."

"What I did was stupid, and reckless,"

"Damn straight."

"And the truth is..."

"What truth Mattie? There is none. You left me, plain and simple."

"Sydney, the truth is, I don't want to lose you." He whispered through his teeth.

I was paralyzed. I didn't understand.

"I didn't want to leave without you, but now I realize it's worse to ignore you, and sorry won't make up for it, I know but-"

"Okay. I get it. Meet me at my house after school."

In that moment, the bell rang, and I left.

~•~

When Mattie arrived, there was nothing to say. I pulled him into the door and kissed him hard. I breathed him in. Mi had missed his smell, his kiss. And it seemed that he had missed me to.

I pulled him to the couch and fell on top of him, our bodies pressed close enough to feel each others heat. He pulled my legs around him in a tight grip and kissed my neck. I rolled on top of him and pulled off his shirt. I could feel his breath on my skin. He pulled off my too and kissed me again.

It felt like a dream, like in a movie. Except that I could feel his skin brushing over mine, his sweet touch. God, I had missed him over the summer.

We slept on the couch that night.