Back To December.. A Harry Styles FanFic

Chapter 10:A Dream And An Epiphany

AN/ I CANT BELIEVE PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ MY STORY I REALLY LOVED THIS STORY BUT I STOPPED WRITING CUZ I THOUGHT NO ONE CARED. BUT ANY WAYS THANKS. 

YOU MIGHT WANT TO PLAY THE SONG IN THE SIDE BAR. I WAS LISTENING TO THIS WHILE WRITING AND I GOT EMOTIONAL. YOU MIGHT LIKE IT.... OH YEAH PS THATS THE GIRL WHO PLAYS TAMMY (yeah its maya from PLL)

~HARRY'S POV~

         The next morning i woke up with Louis feet in my face. i pushed him off me and walked out to the bathroom in the corridor.i splashed water on my face multiple times trying to get life back into my skin somehow but every time my eyes gravitated to the mirror above i was still just starring at a pale, broken son of a gun. After brushing my teeth i began to head back to my room but stopped when i hear snoring in the guest room. i crept in slowly since the door was already half open and noticed Zayn, Niall and Liam on an air bed to the far right of the room but on the bed lay Tammy.

         i was shocked but glad to see her here after what i said to her last night. i  was very aware she cried about it after she ran out i ran upstairs and cried myself. i smiled at her. she looked so peaceful. i let the memories of the nights we shared in the guest room flood into my head. she stirred a little in her sleep and i decided it was time for me to leave but on my way out i stumped my toe on the bed and Tammy sat up and rubbed her eyes. when she decided she wasn't dreaming she looked at me, and i looked right back.

       Neither one of us wanted to break the eye contact. i myself even refused to blink, terrified that if i do those beautiful grey eyes wouldn't be burning a hole into my soul anymore but in fact be covered by her swollen eyelids and she would be fast asleep. i wanted to say something, but what? i wanted to tell her how much i missed her but she knows that and she still chose to tell me she didn't love me. she didn't love me. those four words reverberated throughout my  head now. oh yeah that's why i was rude to her yesterday. she doesn't love me. she doesn't deserve my tears. she isn't worth crying over, all those years i spent trying to find her but in reality she didn't want to be found.  she isn't worthy of my love. but why do i still care for her though? why do i feel like if anything so much as a scratch was put on this girl i would go bonkers? why do i feel like i would even give up my own life for her? like i would climb mountains and travel seas for this girl? i let my eyes close for a millisecond. not just because i couldn't stare for much longer but a new fresh batch of tears were threatening to spill out again.

     When i re-opened my eyes she was wiping a small tear that was rolling down her perfeclty milky skin that i yearned to touch now. i opened my mouth but closed it again. i knew the smallest thing would trigger more tears and in all honesty that is the worst and the last thing i ever wanted to see despite if she love me or not.

Me- Tammy i..

i was cut off my her hand rising up.

Tammy- i will be out of your house by noon don't worry.

        I wanted to run to her and hug her. yell at her to please stay. but i remembered again that she did not love me anymore. i pursed my lips together and walked out of the room, planing to not look back but failing miserably.

~TAMMY'S POV~

       i forced myself back to sleep hoping to push away the terrible things that were happening to me. that if i escape to unconsciousness i wouldn't be worried about Harry anymore. As i drifted off i opened began to watch a world begin to form itself around me. i was in a room.... A very expensive room to be exact. there was a large chandelier hang just six feet or so above the bed. the ceiling was high and majestic with its spot free white paint. the bed was grand and luxurious. a California King Bed i thought smiling to myself. the gold sheets were laid on ever so perfectly with large shams and pillows perched at the top of the grand sleeping area. i watched carefully from my spot in the corner as a girl walked in and sat on the bed. 

     She pulled of her extremely high forest green pumps, and begin to un-button her cream MARC by Marc Jacobs Simone top. i began to scrutinize the girl that looked so much like me except for the lack of the small scar i have bellow my belly button from giving birth to Darcy. The girl was me. It took me a while to get what was happening until a stunning male with curly hair walked in too. he smiled at the girl and then wrapped his arms around her and gave her a light peck on the lips. it all made sense now. this is me without Darcy. this would have been me if i had gotten the abortion my mom so badly wanted me to get. this would have been me if i had never gotten pregnant. i would still have Harry, and he would still have me. no complications, just love. the couple began to kiss again as everything began to fade out slowly. No! i wanted to cry. oh how bad i wanted to stay there and watch them again. how bad i wanted to be that girl.

      When i woke up i was back in the guest room in the Cox house with honey eyes staring at me shaking me softly.

me- no! why did you wake me up?

       He looked speechless as i began to tear up and collapsed into her chest and cried softly. not only out of pity for myself but also disgust. Disgusted that wish for such a thing. how could i not want my perfect little girl?

Gemma- uh are you okay?

Me- no! i am a horrible, horrible person! and an even worse mom!

Gemma- as much as i would love to agree i cant. you're a great girl there has to be a reason why harry loves you right?

me- i....i....

Gemma- did you have a nightmare?

Me- no it was a dream... but it was perfect and i didn't want to wake up

Gemma- im sorry i guess but you were saying no so i thought i had to but how does that make you a terrible mom/person

Me- because, in the dream i never had Darcy. it was just Harry and i. we were together again and some part of me... wanted it to be real. what kind of mother wants to trade her own daughter in for a boy? but Harry isn't just a boy, we all know that. He is the most perfect male on this planet and i love him, but i love Darcy too. i really do love her. Probably more than i have ever loved anybody else maybe even a little more than Harry but why would i dream such a thing? why would i even want it?

Gemma- it doesn't make you a bad person it just makes you a girl whose teenage life got yanked away from her. what i don't get is why you left.

Me- why do you care? you hate me

Gemma- no i hate that you left my brother when he needed you most. that you left him voulnerable and depressed. 

Me- i didn't mean to. i told him to forget me

Gemma- and how well did that work out

Me- my mom told me either i get an abortion or get the hell out of her house. i was planing on leaving and not telling Haz because i knew how he would act, my mom just made it easier for me. see i thought that a child was only going to slow Harry down. i knew what he was capable of, i knew he was destined to be famous but that if the world knew a 16 year old pop star had a child who would bye his album? 

Gemma- you didn't have to leave

me- oh i had to. but i regret it though. i regret all of those night i sat  up alone crying to myself about how sore i was. that night i went into labor without the father of the child there. but the thing i regret the most? that Darcy will never know her real dad. that's what i regret the most.

Gemma- you cant do that!

he voice rose and she looked me sharply in the eyes. she had been patient and listening to me the whole time but not i had seemed to have sparked the fire in her again

me-i can do whatever i think is best for my baby girl

Gemma- are you sure about that? do you really think your daughter wants to grow up not knowing who her real father is?

me- i will eventually tell him, just not now... she has to grow up first.

Gemma- she wont forgive you for that and you know it.you are making this decision of of Harry and how much you want him to succeed and how you want life to be perfect. but don't forget your daughter. you need to tell him and then just let the chips fall where they may. whether or not he wants to be in that girls life is up to him, not you.

with that she got up and left me too my thoughts. as much as i didn't want to believe it she was right.