Back To December.. A Harry Styles FanFic

Chapter 18: Dear Haz,

~TAMMY'S POV~

Billions of thoughts ran through my head at a 100mph.

Me-wh...what are you doing here?

Harry- I uh... the guys came because they were worried about you and i wanted to come to to find out some things.

Me- Haz I'm not in the mood

Harry- Haz? you called me Haz

Me- it is your nickname isn't it? whatever I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood Harold.

I pushed past him and into the cafeteria and he followed closely behind me.

Harry- Can we talk?

i shook my head.

Harry- what is it that you're keeping from me? 

Me- leave me alone before i call security.

Harry- is she going to be okay?

The way he asked made me want to fall into his arms and cry to him about how i failed the both of us. I had let something bad happen to his daughter and i didn't want to forgive myself.

Me-no.... 

i felt a tear roll down my face.

Harry- don't do that

Me- i.... i failed

Harry- at what? what is it that everybody isn't telling me? 

Me- I need to go Harry

                   i pushed past him and into the line. Grabbing a sandwich, an apple, and a bottle i thought about everything. I felt as if i was reaching my breaking point and i just needed Harry. I wanted him to join me in the fight for my baby's life. But i couldnt. I knew he would be angry, i had kept his child away from him. I was awful and selfish and horrible. Gemma was right. I was a bad mother. I had kept Darcy a secret only because i loved Harry so much and i knew he deserved to be happy. His happiness doesnt have to mean my daughter growing up fatherless. During my entire meal i just began to fill myself with self hatred and felt the urge to pop another one but i was no help to Darcy when i was in my own hospital bed.

                       So as soon as i got back in the hospital room i picked up a pen and paper and decided to write it down because i was to afraid to tell him in person. 

Dear Haz,

I havent been so honest with you about everything.