I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.
It's 5 in the morning, Can't sleep. Another restless night passed by, Not a bright day to begin with.
It's been exactly 37 days since the last time I heard her voice. 49 days since I last saw her face, held her hands and kissed her cheeks. According to her calculations and our friends. I should've been doing well by now. Calculations can be wrong. specially when done by someone who dont wanna look back to what you have before.
She's doing pretty well by now. I guess? But why can i be? Why am i suffering like this when all i ever did was to love her fully? Why me? This are the questions I have no answer to.
My first love, Was my everything she's this type of girl that would make you feel live when you dont feel the same for your self. My first break-up 😥. It's not that i was dying to achieve it and am very proud of it. i just didnt realise it would happen to me and her, I guess nobody does, nobody is safe. So lost in each other's love. One doesnt really give it ample thoughts as long as the fake promises and lies keeps the other at bay. Atleast for me it was some sort of true.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
To wake up every morning and think of her is a torment thing for me. Every morning I wake up and my first thought are " Fvck! Another day, How am i gonna pass this again?" " Bea you should stop thinking of her, she doesnt care for you anymore! So you should do the same" " Bea you need to be strong" " I missed her, i missed hearing her voice her hands holding mine her addicting smile that adorable chinita eyes she have her cute gestures when ever she wanted something those make faces she do when she dont like or hate something her pointy nose her black her and her kisses i miss everything "
And then suddenly i feel my fingers curling up on their own and trying to grip hers. But then I realise she's not there anymore. And she will never be here ever again. At that point, it felt like all my oxygen in the room has been sucked up. Im starting to struggle to breath, Like literally. Sometimes, My eyes get watery. It makes me weaker, both physically and mentally. everyday of my life. Then i tell myself "Bea, dont worry, it happens for a reason. Just get up now. Dont think of her from now on. You're a very nice woman. You deserve better everything will be alright. Well just hope it so"
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.
And everyday it kept on happening over and over again it was like my routine. I wake up think oh her cry and cry and when i get better i head to work. But today's different Jhoana called me informing me that we will have a mini reunion everyone started texting me when they knew that i send a reply that im coming. And i didnr expect her number to Pop In!
My Lovey
- Hey i heard your going to the reunion, Im glad your finally doing good. See in two days Bea 🙂
