THE WEIGHT OF LIVING PART 1- A BASTILLE DAN FANFICTION

24. Fault of My Own

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Sarah's POV

Yes I meant it. Of course I meant it. I didn't want to see him. I pushed him away and he fell to the floor, unable to stay on his feet.

"Dan. Please just leave me alone." I begged. Hoping he would leave.

"Sarah, don't you think we should, err talk things over..." He stuttered, me shaking my head as he said so. No. No I didn't. He was obviously under the influence of alcohol and I certainly was not in the mood for talking things over, like he suggested. "But, Sarah.. Please." He pleaded. No. No. Why didn't he just leave me alone. I contemplated telling him about the baby, but decided against it. After all, he had his own baby to worry about now.

"You have got your stuff now please. Get out!" I yelled, pushing him out the door and slamming it shut. I was sick of his presence and I didn't want him here with me. I heard his footsteps on the gravel as he walked away. I was alone again. I usually didn't like this feeling but for some reason, now, being alone helped me think everything over.

I sauntered back into the kitchen and sat back down at the table, staring at the photo from the scan. I traced my body with my index finger, the tears reforming in the corner of my eyes.

I should never have left Bertie, I thought to myself. What you saw was what you got with him. No secrets. I had gone and ruined that too. He was dead now, and there was nothing I could do about it. He once was the love of my life and I treated him badly. Yeah we had our ups and downs, but they were usually over nothing. What Dan had done to me was pretty unforgivable.

As I stood up from the table, I heard my phone upstairs letting off it's usual tone to notify me I have recieved a message. It was probably from Dan and I didn't want to speak to him, but I ascended the stairs anyway. I made my way into my bedroom and unplugged it from the charger.

1 new message, Unknown Contact. I unlocked my phone, intrigued as to who it was from. I opened the message and began to read it..

Hi Sarah, it's me Tara. I'm so sorry for everything I did, i just had no other option. I can't believe what Dan has done to us both and I understand if you hate me for what I have done. I was just wondering whether we could be friends, after all we are both in the same situation.

Tara X X

I was suprised as to who the sender was and what she was saying. Her message seemed to be heartfelt and truthful and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She was right. We were both in the same situationand had both been abused by Dan's actions. There was something about this message that made all previous accusations of her personailty change. She wasn't the person I thought she was and I felt as though I owed her an apology, afterall, it wasn't completely her fault. She didn't know about me.

I added her to my contacts and sent a quick reply. For some reason, Tara seemed to be one of the only people I wanted to meet up with, we could talk things over and I could find out what really went on. Before plugging my phone back into the charger I quickly scrolled through twitter to find a series of relatively uninteresting tweets. I stopped scrolling as I saw something that caught my eye, a tweet from Bertie's mum, Melinda. I clicked on her icon and was redirected to her profile. Her most recent tweet included a link to a youtube video Bertie had made and edited but never posted. I stared at it for a few seconds, registering what it was, before taking the plunge and clicking the link. I was reluctant at first but soon realised I had no other option.

Misplaced - A Bertie Gilbert Short Film.

I read out loud, trying to register what the title meant whilst the video loaded. Then his face appeared on the screen, he looked unhappy and upset and the harsh reality came flooding back. I watched attentively as the video progressed, trying to take in what he was saying, but it all just seemed to be too much. His appearance, his voice, his acting, his clothes, everything just reminded me of what I could have still had, if I hadn't acted so foolishly.

I began to feel beads of salty tears crawl down my face, as Bertie (well the character he was playing) began to talk in depth about depression and pain. Any ordinary person watching would just think it was all some script or storyline he was portraying, but not me. I knew what it really was about. Me. My actions. His unhappiness was the fault of my own.