Pangarap Lang kita (Under Revision)

EPILOGUE (Last chapter)

Sabi nga nila, trust is like a paper, once its crampled, you can turn it as a whole but it cant be perfect again.

I have my reasons.

--

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t ’bout how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!

This time, I can finally say "I SURVIVE!". Sa wakas, graduate na ako ng highschool. I am the first honorable mention in the class. Unfortunately, I didnt get the salutatorian award. Running as salut pa naman ako. But the thing is, I accepted it. Di naman ako hard loser, sports ako sa maraming bagay although na frustrate yung parents ko when they knew na top 3 lang ako.

Okay na yun, I know I did my best, well actually not. Madaming nagyari eh. Madami nang bago. I dont know kung bakit di na ako kinakausap ni August. Actually he talked to me once pero di masyado matagal.

I dont even know whats his problem. Di ko na rin siya natanong kasi natatakot ako. I dont have any guts to ask him. Pero today, I want to be with him. Babawi ako sa kanya, pangako. Alam ko marami na akong pagkukulang pero minsan kailangan ko gawin yun.

Natapos na ang program pero hindi ko na nakikita si August. Nasan na kaya yun?

"Faye, have you seen August?" I asked faye. Kanina pa ako palibot libot sa venue. Di ko talaga siya makita. I saw him kanina pag akyat niya sa stage, he looked unhappy. Ano bang klaseng girlfriend ako? Bat ako natatakot na kausapin siya?

"Yeah. Nasa backstage siya. Nag away ba kayo?" I smiled to Faye and immediately went to the backstage. Alam ko na alam na ni Faye kung anong ibig sabihin ng smile na yun.

Nang makarating ako sa backstage, I saw him sitting in the couch, nakayuko siya. He seems sad. What happened? Naging busy ata ako sa ibang tao at nakalimutan ko na siya.

"Boi? Are you okay?" I asked.

He smiled. Pero alam ko, hindi siya masaya.

I went near him, tapos tinapik yung shoulders niya. "Hey. Bakit ba malungkot ka?"

He faced the floor. He cant even look me in the eyes.

"Naalala mo pa pala ako? Huh." then he smirked. I know Its fake. I can see pain in his eyes.

"Ano bang klaseng tanong yan?" I asked. Syempre nag aalala ako.

"Leave me alone, March. I dont love you anymore. You broke me into pieces. I trusted you! Bakit mo ako nagawang lokohin?"

I dont even know what he was talking about. Ang sakit lang nang marinig kong di niya na ako mahal. What did I do? Ahh, I get it.. 

"Boi? Its not what you think. Let me explain." I said while tears were falling down . I cant handle it. I cant leave without him, please do stay.

"Too late. Any explanation from you wont help me take all the pain away. I said, i dont love you. Please let me go." I cant even speak. Ano bang nagyayari sa kanya? Di ko mainitidihan.

"Hey, Im so-

"Sorry not sorry. You lied to me! Please. stay away.."

Then he walked away..

--

After that day, things changed. We broke up. He broke me up. Naging desperada ako ng di niya sagutin ang mga texts, emails and calls ko. Totoo ba ito o nanaiginip ako?

We've been together for 2 years tapos ganito nalang? Eh hindi pa nga nagsisimula ang totoong pagsubok namin, bumitaw siya agad. Sobrang nanibago ako. Everytime I woke up, may sweet messages akong natanggap away man kami or bati. Ngayon lang wala.

I opened my facebook.

Augustin Ganioda is single.

So ganun? Career na career na niya talaga. Sht, I tried to open his account. We used to open each other's account.

You used an old password...

Ah! So he changed it already. Wala na ba talaga? Bakit ganito?

I found myself crying. Ang sakit! Parang tinusok buong katawan ko.

Sobrang nasanay ako na anjan siya palagi para saakin kaya siguro nasaktan ako ng sobra ng mawala siya. Tama nga sila, situation is never permanent. Its what you make it. Life isnt solid, its fluid. It changes.

Do I need to understand that people change and sometimes they're no longer compatible with our lives? Do I need to accept it and move on? I think No. Not right now. Di ko pa kaya ilagay sa utak ko na wala na siya.

--

Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.

Hindi na siya babalik at kailangan ko na yung tanggapin. Every moment that changes your life, changes who you are. I guess thats it. Goodbye and good riddance, August.