Walking Sins (BoyxBoy)

Shut the Fuck Up

So I entered this story in the 2018 Wattys! So if you think this book deserves some love, make sure you vote and comment, either way, I hope you all enjoy. 

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It was sudden, I wasn't afraid to admit that - not out loud of course - but it was sudden nonetheless. I had been sitting at school the day after our late night, post-beat up conversation when it all clicked. 

I had a crush on Erik.

I think it had started off as admiration, and then morphed into strong attraction, and then into a crush. It didn't help that he was overall flawless. From his dirty blond hair, to the dark blue eyes, the freckles and beauty spots on his face and neck - probably lower down too if I ever had the chance to see them - and back up to the dimples that won me over.

Then there was his personality. I wasn't shallow, I didn't like him simply for his face - perhaps it had started there, but it wasn't the sole reason any more. It had annoyed me at first, that he was so optimistic, so sure that everything would be fine, but now it was something I felt dependant on. Between Sassie's knowing stares, the ever-growing tension between my parents and me, and the backlash from Allison, Erik was a comfort to be around. 

That's what had started it. From the night on his front lawn only two days ago, to yesterday when I figured it out, and then to today when all I could do was fawn over every little detail.

It wasn't a joyous feeling, nothing I could immediately tell my best friend and something I had to keep to myself. That was the hardest part. Sure, I could tell Sassie, but she wouldn't let me have an ounce of peace. Not when she would inevitably blackmail me into giving her names. She was a fearless woman, and most days I wished I was the older sibling so I could boss her around.

So, it was decided, that I would keep this to myself and only myself.

The problem was, in fact, that Erik wasn't having any of it. He was staring at me quite intently, because, according to him and his ability to know everything about everyone - another thing that had suddenly stopped annoying me - there was something wrong. But what was I to say? Certainly not: 'Just thinking about you and your dimples!', I'd get punched. Again.

So I sat, avoiding his eyes and staring off at William, who was also staring at me with the same expression as Erik. I felt like I was being watched by two parents who knew I had done something wrong but were playing the waiting game, the only thing that was missing was the blatant lie of ' You can tell us, we won't be mad'. This was the only time I was glad Will was angry at me, it meant he had to pretend he didn't care, and, therefor, not ask.

"Well something's obviously wrong." Erik rested his head on his hand, head tilted while his lips pursed. It was adorable, in a profoundly masculine sense. I moved my eyes passed him, staring at nothing in particular. I had to roll my eyes when Dave stuck his finger up from the other side of the cafeteria. "Is it Allison."

My vision jumped to him. "No."

He narrowed his eyes, his eyebrows pulling in. "Oh, I know." His face loosened, a grin slipping on instead. I just hoped I didn't blush because then he would know. I raised a curious eyebrow at him, still looking moderately uninterested. "You've got a crush."

I felt my face drop even more. I tried to play it off as disappointment, as though I had 'hoped' he would have figured it out - Lord help me if he ever did. I felt my face heat up regardless, it always would in these situations. "No, I don't, now go away."

He gasped, grinning more and more. There were three different parts of me. The first, and most prominent, was the part that was fawning over each and every one of his features, the second was terrified he would somehow know it was him, and the third was the part of me that was absolutely mortified at the prospect of anyone knowing. "Oh, you so do!"