Walking Sins (BoyxBoy)

Abstinence

A much calmer and smoother Justin ^^

I found myself sitting on the a two seater couch, Allison next to me, Adrian on a separate chair and Dylan nowhere in sight.

Thank God...

The TV was on at a low volume, none of us really watching it, but waiting for a conversation to come up to drown out it's murmors.

I didn't want to talk. I didn't really want to be here in the same room as Allison or her father or even her brother. I had messed this up, I wasn't stupid, I wasn't obvious, and I could tell when something was truly fucked up.

Unfortunately for me, now was one of those times. Allison was looking at me like she knew but then didn't, but wanted to know, and her father was watching the TV with strained hearing.

"What do you want to do after school, Justin?" My eyes turned to Adrian, thoughtful. You just kissed this man's child and it wasn't your girlfriend.

"I'd love to be a nurse." My voice sounded hoarse, in the way it gets when you don't talk. I played it off with a cough and hoped they thought it was dryness rather than the multitude of embarrassment, shame, disgust, and disappointment I was feeling.

"Interesting... why a nurse?"

I felt my lips twitching up, I hated the fact that my lying had gotten better. I hated that I had to lie in the first place. That I had to pretend to fell and think differently around people.

"Well I wouldn't have to study as long as a doctor and I would still get to help people with little things."

He nodded along, and Allison finally stopped giving me a weird look.

"Plus, patients like nurses more than doctors."

He chuckled slightly, nodding along. It took me a second to realize his entire family probably had their choice of favorite nurses.

"What kind of patients would you want to treat? Seniors? Disability...?"

I answered with paediatrics, and the conversation continued. Allison jumped in every now and then, and I thought I was doing a decent job at winning over her father.

It's not like that's necessary anymore...

I gulped down the thought. It was true. There was no way I could date Allison after this. And unless I planned on diverting my attention to Dylan - which was a strict no-no considering that would be as bad as turning it on Adrian - coming for dinner was a waste of time.

The real problem now, was figuring out how the hell I was going to get myself out of this mess. I wanted to laugh, but Allison and her dad were talking and it would be out of place. I heard thumping from the stares, and my attention turned to the last person I wanted to see.

Dylan pointedly kept his eyes away from me, his head turned strictly towards his relatives as he let out those deep mumbles of sound. My eyes flickered over his hair, a blonde colour the complete opposite of his sister's, over his eyes, the arch of his nose, where they stayed on his lips.

Lips that had felt a thousand and one times better than Allison's. Lips that weren't soft, but rough, needy, masculine. I looked at his face. In it's whole, it was nice; but when his eyes eventually blinked past me and that millisecond of eye contact passed between us, I wondered how I really felt towards him.

The need to crawl into a hole was still there, the shame and guilt as well. But Dylan himself? There was nothing. Nothing romantic at least. I wasn't blind, I could see how attractive he was - but the desire that I did feel for him was purely physical.