Walking Sins (BoyxBoy)

Cluster-Fuck

Very lightly edited because I wanted to get this out.
Hope y'all enjoy
Justin^^

The kiss itself wasn't one of my best. Still I threw everything I felt into it and hoped to God Erik got the message.

My lips met his roughly, unintentionally pushing his head back when he didn't reciprocate. I pulled away, feeling my heart thud in my chest. You idiot, what the hell is wrong with you?

Erik had his eyes downcast. He hadn't moved. I wasn't sure if he would. He looked up slowly, staring into my eyes with the strongest conviction I had ever seen. His eyes lowered again, thinking, assessing, contemplating, I imagined.

Erik shook his head, whispering, "Why did you have to do that?"

I felt lead drop in my stomach, felt the twist in my gut at his words. Why the fuck did you do that? I found myself unable to answer him. The words were there in my head so prominent; because I like you more than I should. Because you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Because as much as I can't admit it, every time we sit next to each other I feel like the happiest man in the room?

I shrugged helplessly. It had been a long time since I had cried. A long time since I even felt the need to. But now? I just wanted to curl up and never come out. Is this how Will felt? God, I hope not.

"You can't just do that, it's wrong." He didn't look up, Erik kept his eyes on the floor. "It's unnatural."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Like I was winded. The air rushed from my lungs and it was hard to breath, hard to even try and gasp the air. My head hurt, my arms, my legs, my chest, my back; it all hurt.

"I'm... I'm sorry - I'll um I'm gonna go, ok?"

Erik screwed his eyes shut, I turned away from him and made my way to the door. Some part of me wished that he would grab my hand or call out to me, but this wasn't a book. This wasn't how things worked.

I felt tears flood my eyes when I made it down the stairs. They were the heavy kind of tears that made everything blurry, the kind that you couldn't blink away. The kind that had you raising your head to the sky in hopes they'd disappear.

I moved passed the kitchen, saying goodbye to Charlotte quickly and making my way out the door. I was on the street when I heard his front door open.

I stopped and turned, wishing to see him there and not knowing what to do when it was his mom. She gave me a sad smile, her lips forming more of a grimace. "Just give him some time, sweetheart."

I had so many questions, so many things I needed the answers to. I smiled back at her, an effort to convince myself that I wasn't effected by what just transpired. I looked at the crossroads. Watching the signs that pointed to my street. I went in the opposite direction.

I tried not to think about it, tried to pretend that it was all fine, that I didn't feel like I had been trampled on by a thousand elephants.

His eyes were the worst part of the memory - even if it was only recent, it was something I wanted to forget. It was the way they wouldn't look at me, the way they had already made up their mind, the way they told me that my dreams would never become a reality.

It all hit at once, and this time when I felt the tears again, I didn't force them away, I just made sure that they wouldn't fall the moment I knocked on the door in front of me.