it makes me wonder ~ larry stylinson [book 1]

nineteen

A/N: Full author's note at the end this time, read it pleaseee :) 

****

Everyone knows about what happened.

"I feel bad," Zayn mutters to Louis as they're walking to class two days later. "Like, he's a dick and definitely deserved it, but I've never hurt anyone like that before. I don't know what came over me, it just -- he was being awful to you, and I had to do something. I'm just thankful no one told any teachers or anything, because my parents would fucking kill me if I got suspended."

Louis doesn't respond, just shrugs, gripping his math textbook a bit tighter to his chest. 

"What makes me feel better though," Zayn continues, "is that Nick still doesn't feel bad about any of the terrible things he's done. Like, any normal person would feel guilty for kissing someone who's taken, or being rude to someone to their face like he did to you. But he still refuses to apologize. He's going 'round, talkin' shit, even after everything. If I had to punch someone, I'm glad it was him."

Louis gives Zayn a small smile. "You do realize that you didn't actually have to do any of that, right? I could've -- "

"No, you couldn't have."

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"Whatever it was, you couldn't have."

"Well why not?"

"Because, you were -- to be honest, you were just kind of hurt. After everything that's happened, and Nick being a jerk to you on top of it all...I don't think you had the energy to say or do anything."

He's got a point. "Whatever."

Zayn lets out a short laugh and throws an arm around Louis's shoulders. "Told you I'd have your back."

Louis rolls his eyes, and they leave it at that.

****

The situation with Harry is an entirely different issue.

Harry hasn't tried to contact him since the fight. Louis doesn't know how he feels about that. 

He's a bit ashamed, really, because he misses Harry loads. Loads more than he cares to admit. And he hasn't talked to anyone about it, which is extraordinarily strange for Louis because he usually likes to talk to at least Zayn about these things. But he doesn't know what he'd say -- "Hey Zayn, I really appreciate the fact that you punched a guy for me but it's going to all be for nothing because I really just want to make up with Harry"? He doubts Zayn would understand. 

Whenever he's seen Harry in class or around campus, Harry's just looked at him with sad eyes before ducking his head and getting out of Louis's way. It makes Louis feel confused and sad and a mess of emotions that he doesn't even want to begin to attempt to decipher. 

He feels tired, is what it is. He's just exhausted. He doesn't want to think, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, he doesn't want to do anything. It's unpleasant and terrible and he wants to change it, he really does, but he just can't find the will, the strength. 

He continues moping about as usual, hoping that one morning he'll wake up feeling not feeling like he's practically dead.

**** 

Louis is dragging himself through the locker hall when he's met with an unexpected surprise -- Cara, of all people, waiting at his locker. 

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, walking faster. Why is she standing there? How would she even know where Louis's locker is? Did Harry put her up to this?