Cigarettes [Bennoda] ✔

Chapter 41

That next day we got up, ate breakfast, and then got to work packing all of my things. I didn't even have that much stuff so I knew it wouldn't take too long.

I put my clothes in my suitcases first since I knew that that would be the thing that would take the longest. As I was doing that, Mike was sitting in the floor in front of my closet looking through a shoebox of old pictures.

"Oh my God. You were so fucking cute!" Mike said as he pulled out a picture of me with my classmates. "I mean, you still are, but look how adorable." He said as he held the picture up to me. I smiled a little. "I might actually cry at how cute these pictures are." He said as he went through them.

"You're gonna have to show me pictures of you when you were younger." I said. "My mom has most of my pictures from when I was younger. We'll look through them next time we go over there." He said. I nodded.

"Aw baby Chazy." He said as he held up a baby picture. I chuckled. "You having fun?" I asked. "Yes I am. I love these pictures." He said. I just laughed again.

"Um Chester?" Mike asked in a concerned tone after a while of not saying anything. I looked down and saw that he had found my box that I kept drugs and blades in a few years before. I completely forgot I had it honestly. "Why do you have this stuff?" He asked. I sighed. "It was from a few years ago." "But why do you still have it?" I shrugged. "I never threw it out because I thought I'd use it again." I got down to his level and looked him in the eyes. "I haven't done any of this since then if that's what you're worried about." I said. He put his hand to my cheek. "I believe you, but let's get rid of this stuff. Yeah?" He said. I nodded.

He looked through it and sighed as he looked at all of it. "You self harmed?" He asked after a while. He looked over at me with tears in his eyes. I put my head down and nodded. "Yeah." I said just above a whisper. He lifted my head up and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry that you hurt so bad then, Chester. I hope you never feel that way again. If you ever think about doing that again, please tell me. I don't want you to hurt yourself." He said. I nodded and let the little tears that I had in my eyes fall.

Mike scooted over and put his arms around me. "I love you more than anything." He whispered. "I love you too Mike." I said as I hugged him back. "Promise me you'll tell me if you ever feel that down again." "I promise." I said as I pulled away from the hug. He wiped my tears and kissed me before putting his head to mine.

"Now, let's get rid of this stuff." He said. I nodded. He stood up with the box and took my hand. We went to the bathroom and flushed everything. "That feels good." I said quietly as we watched everything go down the toilet. He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah it does." He said. We went back to my room and I started cleaning out my dresser.

"I hope there's nothing else in here that will break my heart again." Mike said as he got back in the floor in front of my closet. "My old journals are in there. They are all pretty depressing. I'd prefer if you not read them honestly. They're filled with suicidal thoughts and me talking about how hot you are." I said. He nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked. "Sure." I said. "Did you ever... I'm sorry. I don't know how to put this." He said as he looked away. "Did I ever try to end my life?" I asked. He nodded. "No. Thought about it all the time though." I said as I tried not to think to much about it and continued to put things away. "I'm sorry." He said. I stopped and looked at him. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault at all. You're probably the only thing that kept me from actually trying." I said.

"Really?" He asked. I nodded. "I don't think you realize how much you mean to people, Mike. Everytime I thought about ending it all, you popped into my head. Even though you didn't know me, I told myself I'd stay alive for you. You're the only thing that kept me going and one of the only things that still keeps me going these days." I said. He started tear up and smiled a little.