Cigarettes [Bennoda] ✔

Chapter 54

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I just started school and a new job, so I've been busy.

This chapter isn't that great and I'm sorry about that. I wrote it at like two in the morning and lazily reread it 😂. I've already started writing the next chapter and it's already a lot better than this one, so get ready for that.
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Mike's POV
Chester and I had been back home for a little under a month before I started calling around to get him an appointment with a professional. I wanted to wait until we got settled back in, and had visited our families and all that. Also Chester had his 19th birthday during that month which was fun.

Chester had been doing pretty well I guess. Obviously I didn't know what was going on in his head most of the time, but at least he wasn't self harming.

After calling around all morning one day, I finally got Chester an appointment with some guy named Andrew Coleman.

"Hey, babe?" I said to Chester after walking out of my studio and into the living room. "Yeah?" He asked as he looked up from the TV. "I um... I got you an appointment with a guy named Andrew Coleman to help you. It's the day after tomorrow." I said. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. I sat down beside him and held him.

"I'm scared, Mike." He whispered. "Why?" I asked. "I'm scared that he won't be able to help me. What if I'm just... incurable?" He asked. "Chester, I know that there's something out there to help you. If this guy doesn't help, we'll see someone else. It'll be okay." "Are you gonna come with me?" He asked. "Of course. They probably won't let me stay during the actual appointment, but I'll be waiting for you in the waiting room." I said.

"What is this guy anyway? Is he like a regular doctor? A therapist? I gotta know what I'm in for." He said. "I guess he's like a therapist in a way? I don't know. All I know is that he's a doctor that specializes in mental health." I said. He nodded.

I could tell he was already getting anxious about it. I tilted his head up to look at me. "It's gonna be okay. I promise. This guy wants to help you and has experience helping people like this. He's not gonna judge you or anything, he's gonna listen to you. Just talk to you." I said. Chester nodded. "Thank you for getting me help." He said. "You don't need to thank me. I wanted to get you help, but I knew I probably wouldn't be able to help because I don't know how. Also I knew you wouldn't contact anyone to help yourself so I had to get you an appointment somewhere." I said. He nodded again.

Before we knew it, it was the day of his appointment. I made us some breakfast, and then we went upstairs to shower and get dressed.

"Should I dress nice?" Chester asked as we were standing in the closet after our shower. "I'm sure it doesn't matter." I said as I threw on a black t-shirt. "Okay." He said. He put on some skinny jeans and a button up shirt. "Do I look presentable?" He asked. "You look absolutely handsome." I said as I put my arms around his waist and kissed him. He put his hands against my chest and pushed me back a bit.

"Whatever this guy tells me I should do... please don't think of me differently or treat me different. I really don't want that." He said. "Okay, my love." I said. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and then hugged me.

"We should get going. Your appointment is at ten thirty." I said. He nodded. "Okay."

We went to Dr. Coleman's office and were there right in time for his appointment, and of course as I predicted, I was asked very politely to wait in the waiting room.

"It's gonna be okay." I said to Chester before he walked away with the doctor. He nodded and gave me a hug. Then he disappeared down the hall.

Chester's POV
I was terrified. This guy seemed nice and all, but I wasn't sure about how I felt about spilling my guts to a stranger. I had been to therapy a few times before, but for some reason it seemed harder now.

After giving Mike a hug, the doctor led me down to his office. I walked in and immediately hated it. His desk was at one side of the little room and a couch was on the other side. The desk and couch were pretty close together, and I kind of felt suffocated with him sitting on the other side of that desk looking at me.

"How are you today, Mr. Bennington?" Dr. Coleman asked. "Nervous." I said with an awkward chuckle. "But I'm okay I guess." "That's good." He said. "Don't be nervous. I'm here to help you. My entire job is helping people, and I love what I do. Don't be afraid to just talk to me like you've known me for forever. Everything is confidential too, so you don't have to worry about anyone else hearing what you say." I nodded.

"Now, why exactly are you here? What made you decide to get help from a professional?" He asked. "Well... my boyfriend, Mike, was the one who suggested I should get some help." "Is he the guy who came here with you?" He asked. "Yeah." "How's your guy's relationship?" "Good. It's amazing actually. He's the best." He smiled and nodded.

"So have you dealt with depression your whole life, or is it something that just started recently? And tell me how it is for you and how it affects you." He said. "I've dealt with it for as long as I can remember. For me, it's mostly just feeling horrible about myself. It's really bad when I'm alone. A while back, I turned to drugs and self harming when I got low. For a while, I was fine and just got into a few rough patches here and there, but lately I've been having the urge to self harm again. I'm okay when I'm occupied and doing things, but if I'm alone and not doing anything, even for an hour or two, I get so low. I just want to be able to sit at home alone and relax when my boyfriend is gone, and not want to die." I said. He nodded.

"You want to die?" He asked. "Sometimes I feel like that would be easier than suffering. I've never actually tried to end my life, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it sometimes. I have everything I could possibly want in my life, but I dunno. It's just hard." I said. "That's the thing about depression, Mr. Bennington, it doesn't matter if you have everything you want and need in life. It'll still bring you down." He said. I nodded.

"I'm going to put you on an anti-depressant." He said as he scribbled on a piece of paper. "That's it?" I asked. "Do you need or want to talk to me more?" He asked. "Not really to be honest." "Okay. Well, after everything you've told me so far, you're obviously deppressed." He said. 'No fucking shit.' I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut. "I'm just going to prescribe you some medication and we'll see how that works for you. If it doesn't work, come back and we'll figure something else out." "Uh okay?" I said.

I took the paper out of his hand he had held out and then walked out the door to the waiting room. "That was it?" Mike asked as he put down a magazine that had models in bikinis on the front page. "Oh?" I said as I glanced at the magazine and back up at him. "Hey, it was just the first one I picked up." Mike said as he put up his hands in defence. I rolled my eyes. "It had nothing to do with the fact that there's half naked women on the front?" "What!? No of course not. Anyway, that was it?"

"I guess so. He basically just said, 'You're depressed. Take these meds.'" I said as I handed Mike the piece of paper that had what he prescribed me with on the front. "He's gonna call in the meds to a pharmacy and he said if they don't work, then for me to come back and we'd figure out something else." I said. Mike sighed. "Okay well let's go I guess." He said.

"Do you feel better at least?" Mike asked. As we were driving around, waiting for the doctor to call us and let us know that the meds were ready. "Kinda the same." I said as I stared out the window. "I honestly don't think that doctor knew what the hell he was doing. We talked for like ten minutes and then he prescribed me the medication." Mike nodded.

"Well if it doesn't work out, we'll see someone else. Okay?" He said. I just nodded.

We finally got the pills and then went back home. "Okay. It says to take one every day. There's enough in here for two months." Mike said as he read the bottle once we got home. I just nodded. "It's eleven thirty, so go ahead and take one for today." He said. He opened the bottle and gave one to me. I got a bottle of water and swallowed it down.

"If you start feeling any of these side effects, tell me. These are supposed to help you. Not make you feel worse. Okay?" Mike said. I nodded again.

-
I took my medication like I was supposed to everyday for about a month. I was feeling really good actually. There weren't any bad thoughts, no urge to self harm. None of that. Ryan, Amir and I started recording our music and were trying to finish all of the songs up to finish the album, so we could start touring for it.

I stopped taking the pills after that first month because I didn't see a reason to. I finally felt better, so I figured I didn't need them anymore.