Cigarettes [Bennoda] ✔

Chapter 58

Dead By Sunrise were finally about to start touring and I was super bummed that Mike couldn't be there with me. This was our first time being apart since I had moved out to L.A., so I knew that our relationship was really going to be tested. I knew it would be okay, but just imagining the fact that I wouldn't be by his side for just a few weeks straight, made me anxious. At least I would have Ryan and Amir with me.

Before we knew it, it was the first show and I was freaking out.

"Chester... are you sure you're good? You look like you're gonna puke." Ryan said as he glanced up at me for a second from where he was kneeling, tying his combat boot. "Hmm? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm okay." I said nervously as I tapped my foot. I was sitting on the couch in our little dressing room, smoking and panicking.

"You've smoked three cigarettes in a row. You need to slow down, calm down and take deep breaths." He said as he scooted over to me to where he was kneeling in front of me now. He took my cigarette out of my shaky hand and put it out in the ash tray before taking my hands in his. "Listen to me. You can do this. Mike is in here, okay?" He said as he pointed at my chest. "Just because he isn't physically here doesn't mean he's not here." He said.

"Why are you talking about Mike like he died? Jesus, fuck." I said as I put my head in my hands. He sighed. "Chester, you know what I mean." He said as he sat beside me. "It's going to be okay. You've sang in front of 20,000 people before. You can sing in front of this little club for an hour." He said. I sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry if I fuck this up." I said. He chuckled and shook his head. "You won't, Chester. I know you won't. Even if you do, it's okay. It's our first show and I'm sure all of us will make a few mistakes during it. I'm not here to be worried about every little thing, you know? I'm here to just have fun. That's what you need to focus on. Just have fun, Ches." He said. I nodded and hugged him.

"5 minutes til show." A guy said as he poked his head in the room. We both nodded and got up to walk to the stage with Amir.

My band went up on stage first and then I came out last. Once I got up there and the music started, I wasn't as nervous anymore, but was still afraid I would mess up the words.

Thankfully I didn't and really started to get into it then. My anxiety dialed down and I started to have fun. The crowd was amazing and kept cheering us on.

This was it. This is what I was made to do. I could feel it deep down that this was what I wanted to do for forever. Singing these songs that I had wrote about my life and having people in the crowd relate was really beautiful.

The rest of the shows of the tour were just as amazing. After the first few weeks of tour, Mike came out on the road with us which I was thankful for. I eventually was okay with being out on the road on my own, but was extremely happy when he could finally come out and see me play my songs.

-
I had my twentieth birthday in some random city, and was starting to realize how fast the years were starting to go by. It seemed like just the day before I had met Mike as a stupid seventeen year old kid. It was crazy that we were already coming up on our two year anniversary.

I couldn't wait to see what was in store for our relationship and careers in the future.