chapter 46

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Erika's pov ; I couldn't take it anymore.  Jax was still hugging me ,  I was crying.  I looked at jake ,  who was also crying.  I didn't know what to do.  Then I got a call with sunny.  " Hello " I say into the phone as I wipe my tears.  " No no no ,  I'm coming.  Be there shortly " I tell her ,  she had asked me if I wasnt coming.  I hung up.  Then patted jaxs back softly.  " I'm sorry ,  I have to go " I say to jax.  He looks up at me.  " Please don't leave me forever...  I'll miss you so so so much and - " He says.  I cut him off.  " I'm not leaving you forever Jax.  I'll sure I'll see you some other time " I say.  " Some other time!  Why can't I just come with you " He shouts.  " Because you don't live with me ,  it doesn't work like that " I say as I look over to jake.  " Well can I live with you " Jax says.  " Jax " Jake Says.  Jax doesn't even loop at him. " That's not up to me Jax " I say as I look at him.  " Well make it up to you ,  I just wanna live with someone ,  who doesn't care about his girlfriend more then me ,  I wanna stay with you please " He cries.  " Jax ,  I care about you.  Way more then Veronica.  Way more then anything " Jake says as he walks closer to us.  " Mom please " Jax says.  " No " Jake says " I'm sorry Jax " I tell him.  He cries more. 
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Once I finally get to leave.  I felt so bad.  Jax ,  he really wanted to come with me ,  and he said that jake cares about his new girlfriend more then him.  I wanna know what Jax means by that.  I really wanted to spend more time with Jax.   I want kayzley and Jax to get to know eachother.  I want the best for both Jax and jake....  But I don't know what the best is. 

So here I am ,  driving to Sunny's house.  Crying my guts out as kayzley sleeps in the back seat. 

I do want her to get to know her father ,  but I don't even know the guy ,  I mean after all its been six years ,  and people change ,  I just hope that if he wants to get to know his daughter ,  and to be in her life  ,  he's still the same loving and caring person I once loved  ,  oh hell ,  still love. 
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After i dropped off kayzley and talked to sunny ,  I went back to my place . I have a early morning shoot ,  and here I am.  It's 1 in the morning and I'm still crying.  Ugh.  Why is all I say to myself.
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Not more then 10 mins later I hear a knock on the door .  I get up and open it to see jake.  I immediately attempt to close it ,  but he held it open.  " What do you want " I say as I wipe my face.  " To talk " He says in a sad voice.  " Well I don't want to " I say.  More tears fell as I see him.  He just walks closer to me and engulfs me in a hug.  I didn't have the strength the push him away.  So I just cried.  He closed the door and we just stood there. I don't even know what I was thinking.  Standing there ,  as he hugged me made me realize what a mistake I made. The mistake of leaving the man I loved the most.  But it's to late to take it all back ,  hes moved on. 
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I finally got the tears to stop.  I moved out of his grip and looked at him. 
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Jakes pov ; she stood there.  Looking at me.  With big red puffy eyes.  " I-im sorry " Is all I could get out.  " Same " Is all she says.  The she just slides down the door.  She sits down and puts her head in her knees. I sit down in front of her.  " I'm sorry for letting you leave ,  I still really care about you  ,  a-a-lot actually and I just wanna be in your ,  yours and our daughters life " I say.  She doesn't move ,  and she doesn't say a thing. 
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We sat in silence for a little with her still not moving ,  or saying a thing...  But i could hear her soft sniffles.
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" Please say something ,  anything " I tell her. 
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Erika's pov ; no Erika!  No.  Is what I'm thinking about right now.  A part of me just wants to kiss him and hug him ,  but the other side of me is telling me no.  He's has a girlfriend for 1. He has no more interest in me anymore...  Why do I have to be such a bipolar indecisive person for crying out loud.  I can never make up my mind when I need to.  Why can I hate him so much for a no good reason one minute.  Then once I see him ,  my mind starts to blow up like I'm still in love with him..  But then again.  I am still in love with him.  I sit my head up and look at him.  " Do you really wanna get to know your daughter " I tell him.  " Yes more then anything.  " He says.  " Then you and jax come over tmr around 5-6 ish ,  if your not busy.  Then you can finally meet her " I say.  " Goodbye " I tell him as I walk to my room.  I didn't even bother to open the front door and make sure he got out.  I just wanted my bed and my blankets and my teddy bear.. Speaking of this teddy bear ,  I don't even know why I still have it.  This teddy bear ,  I got from jake.  He gave it to me when he had to leave for a business trip.
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I just plop down on my bed ,  facing it.  I grab the teddy bear and just hold it.  I face away from the door ,  looking out the window.  And I just cried.  Suddenly I feel a hand on my leg.  I look and see jake,  with his eyes watery.  " You still have it " He says.  I nod.  We small talk a little but not to much..  We began talking about old memories.  We were laughing ,  but still crying.  I really did love that man.  I just knew ,  I couldn't show it.  After all I've done
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