Not Wanting to Fall but Falling AnyWay ( #WattPride )

4.1

Journal 1: Freshman Year

- Page 3. 12-24-14 8 am Monday -
Vacation with Pha & Forth
(gets emotional a bit)

Wow, this is the longest I've gone without writing in a long time...sorry about that, wait, I'm apologising to myself... this is weird, but who cares !? clearly not me. Anyway, a lot has happened in the past few days, Pha confessed to liking Forth 2 days ago, and now they're dating... I'm not mad or jealous about it though surprisingly. I'm really happy for them. Yeah, I'm a bit sad, but hey, ill be ok.... I hope.

The couple is currently in the living room watching movies while I'm up in my room, (Forth moved into Pha's) watching TV and writing. Ok, fine I'm a bit jealous that they're together but I missed my chance, everyone knew that they would end up together and I just wanted to be apart of that...but looks like I won't.

I sighed when a few tears steamed down my face, I wiped them and then put my journal away and just laying in bed crying.

I'm a cry baby, now I get why everyone calls me that, (i was made fun of for crying alot when i was younger) I'm just stupid and naive and a cry baby.

I eventually cried so much that i started to fall aasleep and my journal fell off the bed. I guess it was loud enough for ForthPha to hear it because the next thing i know they're knocking on my door worried i got hurt or something.

"Wayo...," Forth nealed down next to my bed and moved my bangs out of my eyes.

"เด็กทารก," Pha sat on the bed and tried to wake me up.

I didn't move, I didn't make a sound. I wanted them to believe that I was asleep.

"He's been crying," Forth pointed it out to Pha when he got up holding my journal and putting it on the table.

"What about though? He was fine earlier," Pha said rubbing my back, that calmed me down a bit and eventually I did fall asleep for real.

-a few hours later-

I woke up to my phone non-stop ringing.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice was raspy and quiet anyone who knew me could tell i was crying

"Wayo!! What happened video call me now!!" Ming yelled through the phone before hanging up and skyping me.

"Dude, what happened why were you crying?" Ming asked seriously worried. I can't hide stuff from him so I just straight up told him what happened.

"So you're ok with it, sad, jealous, but happy they're together?" Ming asked for clarification.

"Yeah," I nodded I had started crying again so I was wiping my tears with my sweater sleeve.

"But like I said it's ok, im used to having my heartbroken, remember highschool? I'm fine Ming, PhaForth are cute together anyway so its cool," i said not knowing Forth was outside my room listening to everything.

"Wayo, dinners ready," Forth said walking into my room.

I nodded and hid my face from him so he couldn't see that I was crying still.

"He'll be down in a bit P' i need to talk to him about family stuff," Ming said loud enough so Forth could hear.

"Alright," Forth said walking out but not before saying he wanted to talk to me when I'm done with Ming. I'm screwed.

"Oh boyfriend's mad," Ming joked.

"Shut up he's just worried cause he and Pha caught me crying earlier today," I said with tears still falling. I'm such a crybaby I hate this...

"Hey, cheer up please I hate seeing you cry baby," Ming said (baby as in baby bro)

"Sorry," I wiped my tears and tried to calm down.

"It's alright, now be happy and eat food!! Just tell them a relative died or something if they ask why you're crying," Ming said.

"You're the best love ya P' I'll call you later, " I said smiling a bit

"Love ya too bro," Ming said and then hung up the call.

I went downstairs with tears staining my cheeks but other than that I'm ok now.
I got some food and thanked Pha for cooking then I sat on the couch and ate with them.

"เด็กทารก, why were you crying earlier?" Pha asked sitting next to me with Forth on the other side.

"Some family stuff...I'd rather not talk about it..." I said using my amazing acting skills to convince them I wasn't heartbroken.

They nodded, Pha ruffled my hair and Forth hugged me.

"Hey, since it's Christmas eve you wanna open a gift?" Forth asked us.

Pha nodded and I smiled, so Forth went over to the huge silver and gold tree and picked up 3 boxes, 1 for me, 1 for Pha, and 1 for him.

"Babe you go first," Forth said to Pha, he smiled and opened it, it was a bracelet (the one yo gave Pha in the show)

"I love it, thanks Forth," Pha said getting up and hugging his boyfriend.

"Yo this is for you," Forth said handing me a slightly bigger box,

Inside was a bunch of pens and some notebooks, i smiled and hugged them both.

"Thank you P's," i was happy they even paid attention when i would complain to the others about needing new pens and books.

"It's no problem Yo, as long as you're happy thats all that matters right?" Pha said.

I nodded and Forth agreed also hugging me.

We watched movies for the rest of the night, the couple cuddling on the couch and myself laying on the floor with a bunch of blankets.

Until Next Time,

❤ · Wayo · ❤