Not Wanting to Fall but Falling AnyWay ( #WattPride )

7.

journal 1: Freshman year
- 01-10-15 - 12 pm - 
Back to school but still sick

I've been sick for nearly a week, but im finally well enough to go back to school Pha basically forced me to go to the hospital first just to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. But all i had was a bad hang-over mixed with a cold; almost flu type illness, but im ok now. I still have a bad headache but other than that im better.

"Yo, you ready to go?" Beam asked knocking on my door,

"Yeah," i said walking out with my school bag and locking the door.

"How ya feelin'?" He asked as we walked down to the parking lot.

"Alot better P'" i said going back to my normal bubbly self.

Forth and Pha are both extreamly busy at the moment doing internships at different companies/hospitals as part of their classes. So I've been spending alot of time with Beam, Ming, Kit, and the Angels.

- at school -

"I'll see you at lunch P, good luck with your classes," i said as i walked to my own class.

"You too Nong," Beam said as he walked with Kit and Ming to class.

- at lunch -

I was video-calling Forth and Pha when the rest of our friends came over and sat with me for lunch.

"Hey guys," both of my boyfriends said hi to everyone

"Sup/hey/ew/hola," everyone just kinda did their own greeting to them and then started eating.

"You're not eating babe?" Forth asked as he noticed i wasnt eating

"I am, It's just not ready yet." I said,  the stall i went to had just opened shortly before i ordered so the food wasn't ready right away.

"Ok, make sure you eat you're still sick a bit, wanna make sure you're ok." Pha commented he hasn't said much since his dr. friends/co-workers kept coming by and saying hi to me and forth/telling him to work/eat etc...

"I'm feeling a lot better Pha don't worry too much," i said smiling and being cute like normal.

"Stop being cute it's blinding!" Nate said as she faked being killed by cuteness

"Oh shut up," i said laughing a bit.

Forth and Pha smiled just staring at me through the camera, i blushed and looked away frowning a bit when the bell rang meaning i had to go back to class.

"Aww talk with us till you get to class please!" They both kinda begged and were acting cute

"Stop being cute that's my job," i pouted and walked to class while talking to them
I walked into my class a few minutes later and sat at the back of the room and kept talking to my boyfriends.

"Wayo P. Get off your phone and pay attention or I'll take it away," the teacher yelled at me from the front of the room

"Yes sir, sorry," i apologized and bowed setting my phone down on the table making it look like it was turned off.

"Babe, turn your phone off and focus," Pha said i had the volume low enough that i could hear them but no one else could.

"But i miss you guys," i pouted and kept talking to them till Forth pointed at the camera

"Eh?" I looked around and noticed the teacher was standing right in front of my desk.

"Shit..." I mumbled under my breathe.

"Wayo, turn it off and give me your phone." The techer *insert name* was extreamly strict, everyone loved and hated him.

"Yes sir, bye P's I'll call you later," i said bye to them and they nodded

"Baby make sure you take your meds later," Pha said since he knows I'll forget.

I nodded and turned the call off as well as my phone and handed it to the teacher.

He walked away and kept teaching. The rest of the class i kept hearing whispers from the other students,

' Wayo's gay? '
' was that Forth and Pha? '
' are they all dating? '

Stuff like that was being said and i got scared.. No one in school (besides friends) knew i was gay, eveyone knew Pha and Forth were Pansexual/Bisexual but no one actually cared much about it, but by the way people were whispering and staring at me it made me feel like they thought i was disgusting/they were judging me for it. It just gave me anxiety hearing their comments.

- after class on the way home -

I didn't talk much on the way home, i was still nervous/anxious from earlier. I usually wouldn't mind if people knew about mu sexuality, but the teacher that took my phone was my Uncle, and if he heared or found out i was in fact gay, he'd tell my parents.

My parents...my whole family (minus grandparents, who were very accepting and knew about it already) they're extremely homophobic...and if they knew... I'd be disowned in a heartbeat...

I started getting nervous just thinking about it, very early stages of a panic attack, Ming noticed and pulled me away from the rest of the group so he could calm me down.

"Wayo focus on something else, dont think about whatever's bothering you." Ming said hugging me trying to help.

"I....what if they hate me?" I stuttered and nearly started crying explaining to Ming what had happened and why I'm worried

"Wayo, we've been over this if that ever happens you're going to live with your grandparents and if that isn't possible move in with my family."  Ming said hugging me

I nodded, that helped a bit. We started walking back to my dorm for a movie marathon (again) when Forth snuck up behind me.

"Hey," he said hugging me from behind

"Forth!"  i was surprised he wasnt supposed to be back till Sunday i smiled and hugged him.

He smiled and held my hand as we kept walking back to the dorms.

"Pha's coming back tommrow, but act surprised cause i wasn't supposed to say anything," Forth told me and kinda laughed a bit

I laughed and hit his shoulder, "this is why no one tells you anything,"

"He's gotta point there," the twins said
Every one else agreed and we went to my dorm.

Until Next time,

❤ · Wayo · ❤