When I can drown in blood, I can lay on the ground !

Training again

"Ivar I want to fight." I told him as we sat in the meeting room and played with Johann.
"You want what? Fight. You just got a baby." He stated. "I know I know but I have to train again. I haven't fought in 11 month, Ivar."
Since I got pregnant I didn't fight. It was too dangerous. Something could have happened to the kid. And now we're he's out, there is always a possibility to find someone to take care of him.
"And who should take care of Johann?" He asked. "Well Ivar. You could or Hvitserk or Vanessa." I answered. I knew he didn't like the idea but I had to train again. To be able to take down my brother and a whole army.
"You trust Vanessa with Johann?" He asked knowing my answer. I knew he didn't like the idea of someone else taking care of his son but he also knew he couldn't change my mind.
"Okay." He agreed as he so my look full of hope. I knew he would break.
I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips on his. Our lips and tongues were perfectly synchronized and it felt just as loving and caring as the first time.

I took my sword in my hand and went to the woods with Hvitserk. He promised me to start training with me again and get me in shape.
My sword was floating in the air. And that's when I realized how much I missed it.

"You still got it in you!" Hvitserk stated when I hit his arm. I smiled, as I took it as a huge compliment. "You too soft on me, my friend." I knew he was better than he showed. I wanted him to do his best. To challenge me.
"Show me that you are better than me." I commanded. He did as he was told and I was proud. It got harder to fight him.

We both collapsed to the ground in pain and laughter. "You know we will do this every day, right?" He started laughing. "Oh I know."

"How was the training?" Vanessa asked when I picked up Johann, in Vanessa's room. "It was just what I needed."
I took Johann in my arm and started breastfeeding him. "I thank you for taking care of him." I was so grateful for her. Without her I would have been so alone the last months.
She was one of those people who you felt so comfortable with.
"I can imagine I have to take him everyday?" I nodded in agreement. "Well he's such a lovely pretty kid. He never cries. And if it helps you, I will do everything... does Ivar know why you are starting to train again?" She asked.
I told her all my plans. What I wanted to do and what my plans were.
"No. Not yet... I - I don't think I will tell him for the next very long time."

P.o.v Ivar
I couldn't have been more happy when I had my son in my arms for the first time. He was healthy. And I would make him the greatest warrior who ever existed. Even better than me.
But I knew something was up with Lilith when she told me she wanted to train.
I knew she was one of the best. She was worthy and a queen everyone was fearing and
respecting.

"Queen. Don't sit on the muddy ground." Björn said. Taking a step closer.
"When I can drown in blood, I can lay on the ground."

That was the moment I knew, nobody could change her and nobody could take away what she wanted and what was hers.

And now she was a mother and in Kattegat......

It got clear, for me, what she wanted.

She wanted to become who she once was.