When I can drown in blood, I can lay on the ground !

I want to be Queen again

"There once was 5 children, all from the same mother. They wanted to rule the world. They would do everything they could to make the world theirs.
The father couldn't be prouder. The mother couldn't be more scared. She had raised them and seen them grow up and now she will soon see them in battle.
They all build their kingdom. Each and every one was tall as the sky but as black as their hearts.
Then they fought. For days, for month, for years. none of them could win. They were all strong and the mother knew that.
Then one day they stopped the fight. Everyone stopped. The 5 now grown up adults all died from exhaustion. Hand in hand. Their souls finally free."
My mother used to tell me the story. It should be a warning for me and my brother not to fight. The little Johann fell asleep and I knew Ivar was listening too.

The morning was cold and Ivar was gone. I took Johann to my chest and covered him in fur before making myself ready.
The wind was a lovely summer breeze.
I felt both happy and mad.
Happy because I had a son. My own little boy who is the one I will love more than anything.
Mad because I didn't belong. Mad because I didn't have my brother. Mad because I missed my old life.

"Lilith!" Hvitserk came running. I haven't seen him since Johann was born and now we're he was in front of me I knew I missed him.
He gave me a tight hug before looking at the child in my arms. "Oh mighty Thor. He's gorgeous. he looks like Ivar." I laughed.
Hvitserk and I went for a walk by the water. "So what have you done the past few days?" I asked him. Hoping to get some gossip.
"I think I have met someone..."
I hoped for this to happen. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to get a family. After all he has been through in his life. With his father. With his brothers. War. Hate. Betrayal. Now he was finally at peace and I wanted him to become truly happy. "Who is it?" I asked curious. "Margret. She's the daughter of the smith."
He couldn't stop smiling. And I knew he liked her more than just for fun. We walked for a while. Talking about Margret. Walking in silence.

"I want to get my kingdom back." I stated. He stopped walking brutally. "What?"
"I want my kingdom back. I will get it back!"
I knew it sounded crazy and stupid. I choose my family over being queen but now. Now I realize that I'm not made for it. I will be a mother but also a queen. I will have the kingdom and the army with all men behind me and not my brother. I will make a route through the woods that will shorten the way to Kattegat, from 3 days to 1.
"You want the 7 nations back?" He asked in disbelief. "I want and will."
"Lilith are you..." I cut him off. "That's why! I hate that name. Don't call me that!" I yelled as loud as I could without waking Johann, who fell asleep. Hvitserk didn't say anything so I stepped closer to be more threatening.
"Don't call me that!"

"Lilith? Honey come to me." My mother called me from the kitchen. She loved working even when she was a queen. She didn't care. When she was small she used to bake with her mother. "What mom?" I asked. She looked at me with a smile. "Come here." I went to her. Sitting in the table so we could look at each other. "Taste this." She gave me a piece of bread. It tasted delicious. I was soft and fluffy but hard and crusty.
With a full mouth I confessed my love to her baking.
"Lilith... Lilith. Do you know what the name means?" She asked me, clearly knowing I didn't know it, at just 9 years old.
"It means ghost and night monster...Which doesn't mean you are bad but that you have control and power over people who underestimate you. It was your grandmothers mothers name. It has a lot of meaning and you have to take care of it. Nobody can take your name away. So keep it safe"
I promised her with my life to be proud of the name and keep it safe. Not knowing why or from what.

But now I know why!