The weight of a loss

Chapter 18

- "I... I'm sorry Rick" Kate started, looking at her wrist.

- "Kate, I'm the one who should be sorry. I should have told you about my therapist. I was ashamed. I thought you would laugh at me if you knew about it. I tried to tell you, I swear." Rick said holding back is tears

- "Babe, it's ok. Why would I laugh at you? I'm your wife you should be able to tell me everything, we shouldn't have any secret" Kate said taking his hand in hers.

- "I know... Can you just tell me what happened yesterday? I need to know. It's all my fault..."

- "I... I really thought you were cheating on me, I thought you choose another wife because I couldn't have a baby."

- "Kate..."

- "No please let me finish." Kate said. "When you left I was really mad at you, I felt like crap. So I started drinking because I needed the pain out. So I drank and drank. The bottle was empty but the pain was still there. I throw up the bottle and it broke. I wasn't myself at that moment and I took a piece of the broken bottle and cut my wrist. I know it was stupid, I shouldn't have done that. But I felt so bad. I needed to die. I guess a part of me didn't want to die and before losing conscious I called Lanie. That's all I can remember."

By the end of her speech, Kate was in tears. Rick took her in his arms and started to rock her.

- "It's ok babe, it's over now. I'm so sorry I left you, I shouldn't. I should have stayed." Rick said. "I'm so thankful that Lanie was here in time. I can't imagine my life without you. You're the love of my life. I love you so much, I will never leave you. You have to understand that. I will never cheat on you. I don't care if we can't have children, all I want is to spend my life with you."

Kate looked into his eyes and smiled at what he just said. She lost herself into his beautiful blue eyes. He gently lean on her and kissed her slowly. They had to break apart to get some oxygen, but they didn't stop looking into each other's eyes.

- "I love you too" she said after a while. "I look forward to spend my life with you and have lots of children"

Rick stand up and sat next to her. Suddenly he had a serious look.

- "What's wrong Rick? I can tell something is wrong..." Kate said a little anxious

- "Nothing is wrong sweetie, I just want to talk about these past few weeks." He said and smiled to her.

- "Yes, ok. What about it?"

- "Don't get mad please. But I think you are not alright, you're depressed. And you need help. I'm ready to help you. No more fights, no more secret. But you also need to see a therapist. Annabelle is ready to give you the address of one of her colleague. Please say yes, sweetie. I'm begging you. I can't handle seeing you all depressed and sad. I want you to be happy again."

Kate took a deep breathe, look at him and nodded.

- "Ok. I will do it. I know I'm not alright. I just need time to get better. But I will go, I will be better I swear."

- "Thank you, that means a lot."

Tears were rolling down on Rick's cheek. He didn't thought she would say yes. He thought she was going to get mad and they would have another fight. She finally accepted to see a therapist.

- "Oh, baby, why are you crying?" Kate said, wiping away his tears.

- "I'm sorry. I didn't thought you would accept it. I'm so glad. I want you to feel better."

- "We will both feel better with time. We just need more time. We need to be there for each other." She said reposing her head on his shoulder.

- "I have something else to ask" he said after a while

- "Tell me."

- "I want to go to the Hamptons for a week or two, and I want you to come with me. I think we both need to be alone, together, to get some rest and to leave the city for a while. I think it could help both of us."

- "I think you're right." She said after a while. "I think it could be good for both of us. I'm ready to move on, I'm ready to go out. I understand I wasn't nice to you lately and I'm sorry but it's over. I realized I could lose you and I can't lose you."

- "Thank you babe. I'm sorry about everything. I will never leave you as I did yesterday. I will never have a secret for you. I can't lose you either."