It is not a choice |248|

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by TheKingOfLosers

by TheKingOfLosers

My mom said that being trans is a choice.

I really wanted to give her a long list of why I would not have chosen to be trans, but I can't, because if I did she'd scream at me, and then take me to a mental hospital. She threatened to do that just the other day, just because I drew on my fucking arms |I don't even fucking know why that's bad.|

Another suicide & self harm trigger warning.

I mean, I'll probably end up in one soon because of her, since there's no way I can fricken hide my cuts, and they probably won't fade fast enough, since it's been threeish days, and they're still bright, bright red. |My other ones were a very light red at this point.| I know need to tell her, or my dad but I really fricken can't. It's one of those situations where I won't be safe either because my parents do something, or I just can't handle my parents anymore and I end up killing myself. |Which have both happened when they found out I was suicidal... Funny thing is it just made me more suicidal.|

I do have a bag packed incase I do need to get away from the house, a few places I can stay, and escape routes, but I'd honestly prefer the suicide route.

I'm basically trapped in a dead end right now, so imma finish up in my notebooks that I started to leave something behind when I do end up dying, or leaving without notice |Since I somehow always knew that I would probably end up dying by my own causes.| and then eat a whole bunch of fucking sugar so I don't end up with regrets when I'm gone.

That's seriously the only thing I'm going to regret, since apparently I did help some people, even if it was just a slight ripple, with their lives, and that's really my ownly other goal, and I know I'm really bad at it, so I probably won't be going any further.

Either way, I still have atleast today and tomorrow to live, and at max, 2 weeks. That should be plenty of time to accomplish something. Probably a bit too much time, but that's only if we're really fucking lucky.

And if we're really, really fucking lucky, I won't end up dying, and we can have a celebration with our Holy Lord Dicksock... Though I'm not sure if that's something I'll even be celebrating... or any of you guys tbh.