sunrise | gd

temptation

"so, i saw you sucking the soul out of some girl at the bonfire last night" i spat at grayson, referring to him kissing that random girl by the tree.

here we were again, top of the cliff watching the sun go up together. beautiful and familiar shades of pink and orange take over the sky.

I'm surprised he was up so early and bright, since he was fully drunk last night.

"cool" he finally spoke.

"did, did our kiss mean literally nothing?"
i stuttered, without thinking. as soon as those words left my mouth, I felt an instant rush of regret. knowing him, his answer would probably be rude and short.

"it was one fucking kiss charly, it doesn't have to mean we're suddenly dating".

"right" i whispered, the voice inside me not wanting to come out.

i swallowed a lump in my throat and held back my tears. i could feel them wanting to come out.

he doesn't want me. he really doesn't.
but do I regret kissing him? no. I would do it all over again.

he turned his face and looked at me. i was looking straight out to the ocean not wanting to make eye contact with him. i could feel him staring at my face for a long time and I wondered why.

then I finally turned my head to look at him. once again, melting in his beautiful hazel eyes.

he didn't remove his gaze from my face, continued to study it.

"what" i chuckled.

"you know, i don't do the whole relationship thing. I've never been good at it" he said out of nowhere.

"yeah" i mumbled back, not knowing what else to possibly say.

"you deserve way better anyways, i could never give you what you deserve or need" he continued to say.

it caught me so off guard. what does that even mean? i really fucking like him, the only thing I need is him.

"why do you say that" i softly spoke.

"because, i can tell you're a beautiful person charly. im no good".

it hurts that he thinks so low of himself. he just needs to let people in and show them who he really is.

because there have been moments where he has done that to me, let me in. and as our friendship grows, I begin to know more and more about him.

he is a good person, i know it. but I don't know why he refuses to tell himself that.

"and that is why I don't talk much. i don't want to get close to you, because I know I'll just end up hurting you" he spoke.

his hand made its way to mine and he held my hand in his large one. the warmth from the touch of his skin made me feel.... safe.

he made me feel safe.

"thank you for telling me that, i just- just wish" I began to say, but he cut me off once again.