sunrise | gd

mess

"what happened dude" renee asked, as her Elisha and I all sat on my bed.

i am an emotional mess. it shouldn't even bother me, he's not mine and never was.

but I love him, and that's why I don't want to let go.

I filled them up on everything, expect for the sex deal part of course. I still can't bring myself to tell my two bestfriends about that. My own bestfriends who i have known all my life.

it's too disappointing and immature of me.

"fuck him girl, you've got so many other guys who want you", Elisha tried to cheer me up, but it didn't work. I needed a few days off of everything, no school, no modeling as much as it made me happy, no nothing.

"you don't get it, I love him" i spat out without thinking and instantly regretted it. why am I such a blabber mouth.

"what" they both spoke at the same time. Staring at me with wide eyes.

"does he know that" renee spoke.

i shook my head, looking down at my lap.

>

the twins soon left and I decided to go for a run, to our hill of course.

funny, it used to be my special place, but now it doesn't seem special without him.

sunrises don't feel the same without him, they never will.

it's been a few days since we last talked that night, I haven't been going to school. I simply don't care anymore.

I don't care about anything apart from him right now, and I hate it. I hate feeling this way.

I don't know when I'll be going back to school, or even if I want to. I don't even need school for what I want to be; a model.

I don't need fucking school and all it's unnecessary drama.

the wind blew through my hair as my feet carried me up the light slope of the hill. as I neared the top, my eyes scanned the area looking for Grayson.

a part of me hoped he would be there, just so I could see him again. but he wasn't.

i walked over to the edge and looked out to the world. it was so beautiful.

there's so much more to life then I've explored, and traveling is my thing. I need to do more of it, since it's one of the only things that makes me happy besides Grayson.

I spent a good hour just sitting at the top, and clearing my head. everything seemed to fall in place. It wasn't the end of the world even though I know Grayson and I won't ever be the same again.

I'll get over it. Or I hope I do at least.

>

"fuck, I'm late" i mumbled to myself as I remembered it had been a whole week and I still hadn't gotten my period.

my body filled with instant panic, knowing what Grayson and I had been doing the past few weeks.