Redamancy | ✓

T W E N T Y

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I LOVED SETH. Everything
besides that was completely jumbled up, but one thing for sure was that I was so deeply in love with him. It hit me like a tonne of bricks as I watched him walk away because I realised everything I was really feeling.

Things could only get more complicated from here for so many other reasons, the next hurdle I had to jump being finding the right time to tell him about my
newfound revelation.

The reason that this was a hurdle was because Seth had been absent since the last time I had seen him; Sunday. Four days had never gone by so slowly, like a slug slinking through a field.

Lost in my thoughts of Seth, I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I'd search for him around the halls and look at his empty seat dotingly. I'd left numerous messages and voicemails; each of them going unanswered. It was as if Seth Hunter didn't even exist.

Sitting at a lunch table near the back of the hall, Olivia and I chose to keep to ourselves and discuss my newfound discovery. Caleb was sat across the other side of the hall with Kate, but they didn't have an ounce of my attention. The only boy who had, wasn't present.

Repeatedly, my eyes would travel to the doors of the hall in search for him, wondering if he'd walk in at any moment, each time I was disappointed and allowed my focus to travel back to Olivia who was blabbering on about how she couldn't believe that she was right.

Each time, I rolled my eyes and fiddled with my fingers that lay upon the surface of the table. "So, how are you gonna tell him?" Sighing deeply, I shrugged and turned around to face her. "Honestly? I don't know. I just-I just know that I have to tell him." Olivia nodded and her eyes shifted away.

"But. . ." I began, closing my eyes and remembering how he'd talked about the girl he was so in love with. "There's her." I muttered under my breath, to which Olivia rose her dark brows and scoffed.

"You can't be serious?!" She worded, her time high and filled with disbelief. "You're telling me that you don't know who she is?" By now I stared at her blankly, wondering why she felt the need to taunt me.

"You're an idiot." She bluntly stated, shrugging and throwing her tanned arms into the air. Choosing not to reply, I shook my head and faces forwards. I couldn't assume anything as of now.

But, a part of me believed that I was the girl Seth had been in love with. I couldn't think of who else it was because now, everything had made sense.

He didn't want to help with my plan to make Caleb jealous, he tried everything to show me how wrong Caleb was for me, he kissed me, he took me to see his mother just to make me see that I deserved better!

Unconsciously, I began to realise that after each gesture towards me, I began to fall more and more in love with him. Maybe, these feelings had always been there, the moment he agreed to help me, but it was only now that I was beginning to comprehend them.

Olivia nudged me harshly and I shot her a glare. Snapping my head to the side to stare at her, I watched as her eyes were focused on something else. Following the glass windows that passed by the lunch hall doors, was a familiar figure.

At once, I rose to my feet and bolted round the table. I shouted out to him, but he didn't turn. Instead, a few heads looked my way, one of them was Caleb. From the corner of my eye, I watched as he rose from seat too and stalked behind me.

But all I cared about was talking to Seth, the boy I was so madly in love with. Barrelling towards the blue doors, they swung open at once at the sudden force of my hands as they pushed against the surface. "Seth!" I shouted, watching as he froze in his determined strides.

Taking this chance to catch up to him, I swiftly moved, my eyes sweeping over his back. From where I was standing, I could see how disheveled his appearance was. His hair was messy, but not the way it usually was. His hands were fisted at his side and his posture was both straight and rigid.

"Seth." I whispered and watched his whole body stiffen. "Look, I have to talk to-..." Cutting me off, he swerved to face me and it was then that I took notice of the way his eyes were red and bloodshot, his skin: pale and his eyes dark and hollow. It seemed as though he hadn't managed to get a wink of sleep in days.

Before I could ask what was wrong, he rose a hand and silenced me. "I don't want to hear it, Rory. I can't. I know what you're going to say and I don't think I could take it. There's so much going on and what you have to say-it'll send me over the edge." My heart ached for him.

His eyes began to water, so he closed them and blinked away the clear tears. "I'm going to walk away and leave. When I do, I can't see you ever again. I can't be your friend and I can't help you anymore." Tears of my own began to form as I felt my chest tighten.

"But not before I tell you something important, because every day of my life I have regretted not telling you. It's caused me pain and heart break which I can't blame you for because-because you're Rory. My Rory. I let you slip away long ago and I lost you, to him." Sucking in a breath of air, he wiped away a stray tear using the back of his hand.

"I love you." He spoke softly and his words caused my heart to clench. "I've loved you the moment I saw your smile and heard your laugh." A sour laugh escaped his own lips as he shifted his gaze to the ground. "He knew how I felt about you and he took you from me. A part of me has hated him ever since." A sniffle came shortly after.

"And I hate this whole situation because I sat here and watched you put yourself down for a guy who couldn't give two sh*ts! And you!" He pointed at me accusingly. "You let him do it." Disbelief filled his eyes and suddenly he closed his mouth and watched me, his chest rising up and down.

"You're so blinded by this idea of love that you think you deserve, when the reality is that you deserve so much more. I don't know what I have to do to make you understand that, but now, I'm done. I can't go on anymore. I've done my part and I've also let go of the words that have always lingered on the tip of my tongue. I'm in love with you, Rory. But I guess, sometimes, the hardest part is knowing that the one you love, will never love you back."

Seth shot me one last look before he turned around walked away. This time, I stepped towards him, reaching out to stop him, when suddenly, the sounds of doors banging rang through the hollow halls.

Looking over my shoulder, I let my expression harden. "Rory!" Caleb called out to me as he stormed in my direction, his eyes narrowed and filled with anger. "What the hell is going on?"

I closed my eyes and remembered something. It give me the willpower to go through with my next words and actions since the phrase in my head was completely true. I had now learnt to accept them, wholeheartedly.

We accept the love that we think we deserve.

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