BTS: HYYH The Notes (Complete ENG)

Taehyung

20 May Year 22

I looked down at my hands. There was blood. My legs were weak. I was supposed to go sit down, but I was pulled back by someone. The window was frozen and there was sunlight coming through. I heard someone crying and Hoseok hyung stood there wordlessly. There were dirty household items and blankets scattered everywhere. Where my father stood, no one was there. I couldn't remember when or how he had left the room.

The unbearable anger and sadness of the moment I was rushing toward my father remained within me. I didn't know myself what it was that made me stab my father. I didn't even know how to calm myself down. I wanted to die, I didn't want to kill my father. I wanted to die at this moment if I could. I couldn't even cry. I wanted to cry, but I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick, I wanted to break something, and destroy everything, but I couldn't do anything about it.

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm okay. Just go." Unlike my crazy mind, my voice sounded dry. I didn't sound like myself. Hoseok hyung didn't want to leave. But after sending him away, I looked down at the palm of my hands.

Blood had seeped into the white bandage. Instead of hitting my father, I hit a beer bottle on the floor and stabbed him. The bottle was broken and it cut my hand. The world spun round and round. I don't even know what to think about or how to live anymore. When I came back to my senses, my phone rang. And I was looking down at Namjoon hyung's phone number.

Even in this situation, no, in any situation, my hyung's existence was all the more needed. I wanted to talk to hyung. Hyung, I almost killed my father, my father who raised me and beat me like hell everyday. No, I did. I killed him countless times in my head. I killed him beyond my control. I want to kill him. I don't know what to do, hyung. But I want to see you right now.