Lipstick Lullaby

Chapter Forty Eight

MIGS

Saskia had her back turned to me, her hair sprawled over the pillow. I laid next to her, letting the silence between us sit for a moment. It felt as though she was a world apart even while we were making love earlier. Instead of going home to the kids, we ended up going to the house we used to live in.

Here in this four wall enclosure, I worshiped every part of her body like it was my sacred duty. I wanted to kiss all the hurt away, I wanted to make love to her until she forgets all the bad I put her through. But I could tell that it was no use. She was responsive while we were making love but not as passionate as the love making we used to have.

"Saskia." I scooted closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. I kissed her neck and buried my face in it as I embraced her tighter. I breathed in her scent, wanting my sense to be filled with only her as if it would make us one again. 

I hugged the tightest I could and showered her shoulders with little kisses. "I'm sorry, Saskia. I love you and I'm sorry for always hurting you. Alam kong hindi na maibabalik ng kahit ano'ng sorry sa mundo ang pagkakamaling nagawa ko but know that I've always loved you and you're the only woman I've ever loved like this."

"Hindi ko  kailangan ng sorry mo. Kahit ngayon lang, magpakatotoo ka naman sa akin, Migs. Mahal mo lang ako kasi may anak tayo at gusto mo silang bigyan ng kumpletong pamilya."

"Ano bang kailangan kong gawin para maniwala ka?" I let out a deep sigh. 

"Sagutin mo ang lahat ng tanong ko sa'yo. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit hindi mo kami hinanap. Nasaktan din naman ako nang mawala ang baby natin. Ilang buwan ko siyang dinala. Isang bagay lang ang ginusto ko noon, huwag kang umalis sa tabi ko habang nagluluksa ako pero tinaboy mo ako."

"I really thought you were just after the money. I was in a bad place when you left me. I lost our child and then you. I stopped going to work, I stopped fuctioning. I was only able to put my life back together when you gave Savi to me. She gave my life a whole new direction." My nose nuzzled against her smooth skin. "I did try to find you, Saskia. Did you really think you and Yuka both coincidentally got the college scholarship in Sto. Antonio?"

"A-ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?" She turned her head sideways to be able to face me.

"I've been paying for yours and Yuka's tuition since your very first year in college." I released another breath. She had worked hard for whatever she had achieved now and I'd hate for her to think otherwise. "Galit ako sa'yo noon. I thought you just dumped Savi on the door of my condo unit because you got what you wanted and you didn't want to deal with her anymore. Inisip ko ano'ng klase kang ina at nagawa mong iwan ang anak natin ng ganon na lang. I was clouded by my anger but I did try to find you. First I was clueless of how or where to find you. But we finally found the lead to where you could possibly be when your name showed up after you passed the national exam for an acceleration program."

"Ibig sabihin alam mong nasa Sto. Antonio kami?" Her brows furrowed.

"Yes, but that was all I bothered knowing. My biggest regret is that I didn't dig in further. By the time I reached you, it was already years since you left. Natatakot akong malaman kung ano ang naging buhay mo mula nang umalis ka. I was afraid I'd find out you're already with someone else and that you'd already built a family of your own. You were doing so well without us. Inisip kong baka okay na ang buhay mo na wala kami ni Savi and you didn't want us to be a part of your life anymore. So I just tried to help you in the way I knew how. I had a good university offer you and Yuka a scholarship. I'm sorry I gave up too soon."

Her shoulders began to shake and a sob escaped her throat.

"Saskia..." I kissed her tears away, feeling my eyes watering. "I shouldn't haven't given up on you."