Lipstick Lullaby

Chapter Seventeen

HAZEL

I felt like I lost two years of my life I could never get back. Those two years with him had been wonderful. I loved him and he loved me. We were perfect for each other. But apparently, I was wrong-- and I hated being wrong. 

Why didn't I see this coming? I was so sure of our future together. I had planned everything out in my mind. As I'd told before, I always think ten steps ahead. I always have a plan for everything but now I didn't. Now I feel lost and for the first time in a long time, I didn't know what move to make. I got blindsided. I was in love and so sure that we would end up together. I'd convinced myself that nothing would ever break us apart. Cause after all, we were the perfect couple. He was beautiful, he came from an aristocratic lineage on both sides of his family, my parents adored him, we shared the same ideals and we were striving for the same things. More than that, we had this dawning sense of recognition, this feeling that we fitted each other. 

"Can I get another martini?" I tapped the countertop after finishing off another glass.

"I've been watching you from across the room. Pang-ilan na yan. You don't look okay anymore. You're bordering drunk awfully fast." Said a familiar voice of a man.

I looked up with hooded lids and let out a chuckle. "Who are you? My father?"

"I've never seen you this drunk, Haze. May problema ba?" He sounded concerned.

"I don't need him. I was fine without him. Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, if I don't find myself the perfect guy for me, it'll still be okay. Alam mo naman mapili ako. I've only had one boyfriend before him and it wasn't even that serious." I laughed myself silly.

"Hazel..." He sat on the stool next to me. "Are you and Migs having problems?"

"Sabi ko noon I could just focus on our business. I was raised to be an independent woman, not a damsel in distress. I didn't need any man to rescue me or put me up on a pedestal. I didn't need to be treated like a fucking princess, I didn't need to be spoiled. Kaya kong dalhin ang sarili ko! For a long time, I was doing fine on my own but then he came and everything changed. I didn't need him in my life but goddamn it I wanted him!" I slammed my fist over the counter top. 

"Hey, it's okay..." I felt him rubbing my back.

"No, it's not! Minahal ko siya. Mahal ko siya. Everything had been perfectly planned.  We were going to get married, we were getting the perfect house build, we were going to have the perfect children. And in just a snap of a finger, lahat ng pangarap namin nasira." My voice squeaked, my mouth prim with the effort not to cry. A laugh came out of my throat. "My parents adore him. My family loves him. Who wouldn't? He's Miguel Imperial Cordova. He's an Imperial and a Cordova. My Dad was so proud of me when I told him that we were planning to get married. He said it was the best decision I'd ever made, not just for me but for our company. I finally, after all these years, received validation from him. You know, growing up I never had that luxury. I never had my Mom or Dad tell me that I'm beautiful, I never heard them say I did a good job, or that they're proud of me. All I ever heard from them was 'Hazel, you can do better than that', 'Hazel, get better grades next time', 'Hazel, you're not trying enough'. Instead of warm, encouraging parents all I got was busy, realistic ones who preferred telling me that I couldn't fail at anything."

"Ano bang problema? Migs knows how lucky he is to have you." He gently said.

"They're all the same. Para sa kanila may mas higit pa sa akin. I'm just not enough..." 

"What are you talking about?"

"Migs slept with another woman and got her pregnant." I buried my face into my palms when I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "Ano bang kulang sa akin? Ano bang wala ako?"