𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 | 𝐞.𝐝.

~a similar voice with a side of memories~

*play song now ;)*

MELINA'S POV:
8:56 pm

I'd be utterly lying if I said that I forgive him, because I don't. I hate him for what he did. I hate him to the point where I can't breathe because I'm so mad, but I also love him. I am in love with him, which often gets in the way of me hating him, but what can I do?

I find myself still staring at the small journal on the floor. I'm drawn to it. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I do know that everything he wrote in that journal explains his love for me, which is truly heartbreaking. I couldn't bring myself to read it before, but I guess we can try new things, right?

I crawl from the bed to the floor and reach as far as my small body can to grab the journal. I finally grasp it within my fingertips and pull myself back up the bed. I go to untie the brown string around the front, but I can't bring myself to do it. My vision is blurry, my hands are shaking, and my breathing is quite uneasy. A single tear streams from my eye and I quickly wipe it away. I let out a shaky breath and lay down the journal.

"Gray!" Not even ten seconds later, he comes running into the room, panicking.

I lightly giggle at his worry and he immediately relaxes. I look down to the small book in my lap and look back up at him.

"I think I'm ready, but I can't bring myself to open it." He frantically nods and sits down on the bed.

"Yeah, o-okay. What do you need me to do?" I breathe in, knowing what I'm going to ask may hurt him.

"I understand if you don't want to, but I need you to read it to me." His cheeks fill with air and he slowly breathes out, thinking.

"Okay, if that's what you want." I don't want to put him through it again, but their voices are somewhat similar, and I feel like I need to hear his voice.

They're not the same but Grayson is the closest I will get, so I have to give it a shot. He lays down next to me on the bed, Ethan's bed, and I snuggle in next to him. This is debatably the most awkward thing that I've ever experienced, but I have to.

"Whenever you're ready, okay?" I nod my head and take another deep breath.

"Okay, start." He unties the journal and I can hear him flip the pages.

"His first few pages are notes for classes and doodles, but then he just starts to write about you, and his experience with you." I nod my head and he skips a few pages, probably all of the random ass shit that went through Ethan's mind at the time.

"January 4, 2016

I met a girl today. She's beautiful. She's a curly redhead, not really my type, but there's something about her. She has these strikingly green eyes that could kill. I tried to scare her off, but she was quite persistent." He pauses and I laugh, remembering his method of intimidation.

I guess it would've worked on most, but I really needed a friend and he seemed like he did, too. Apparently not, but I still did. Grayson continues and I try to picture it as Ethan reading it. It's not working that well, but it's the best I'm gonna get.

"She sat with me again at lunch. I watched as she walked over to me, and damn, the way she walked made her ten times more attractive. By the way she speaks, she doesn't seem confident, but her actions say differently. Her bag has yellow flowers on them, lilies. It's really girly and innocent, but cute. She had a book as well. One of my favorites, actually. That's really what caught my eye. It showed a lot about her personality, good things. Enough of me being extra observant and weird. All I know is that there's something about her, and she seems interesting, so I can feel a friendship coming my way." I laugh at his wording.