𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 | 𝐞.𝐝.

~epilogue~

*play song now ;)*

GRAYSON'S POV:
4:09 pm

I look down at the small envelope, slouched over at the end of my bed. Her messy, scribbled handwriting getting into my head, fucking with my thoughts. I loved- no, love her, but I let her do it. I didn't stay and help her, and I hate myself for it.

I finally rip open the paper, cringing at the tearing sound that tugs at my ears. I cautiously take out the piece of paper and unfold it, afraid of the strength it withholds. Her words could easily effect me on any given day, and I bet her written ones wouldn't make any difference.

I brush off my frightening thoughts and read the last words I may ever see from her.

'dear Graybae,

if ur reading this, then i succeeded. im dead. i dont want u to feel as if it was ur fault, it wasn't. it was mine. im sorry for everything, but mostly for leading u on. after the crash, i was looking for any way to find him. unfortunately, that was u. i clung onto u in hopes of finding him within u without even noticing, and that was my fault...

u don't need me anymore. u left me, and i don't blame u. i was toxic and in a bad place, u didn't need any of that around u. especially when u were mourning his death on ur own. im so sorry for that. i knew what i was doing, and i felt bad, but at the same time I wanted to put my needs before urs. i was in no way trying to hurt u, but i just wanted to keep him with me. it didn't even work, but i still tried. i was just too broken to let him go any more than i already had to.

let me stop trying to justify myself. either way, i fucked u over, and im sorry for that. i get why u left, and i want u to know it wasn't ur fault. i loved u so much, i just wasn't in love with u. i hope that u can forgive me for it.

i didn't leave because of u, nor did i leave because of anything that u did. don't blame urself. u kept me from crumbling when the pieces had already shattered. u were my glue, and i could never repay u for that. if i had stayed, kept breathing useless air, i would've changed. i wouldn't have been the Mel u knew and loved, i would've been dead on the inside just as dead as i am on the outside, now. that seems cold, but i just couldn't do it anymore. i couldn't keep plastering a fake smile on my face and pretending that i was fine. i wasn't. i was already dead.

u did everything u could to protect and shield me from the pain, but it didn't work. i was too far gone, and no one or anything else could ever fill the void in me that should be filled by him. he was everything to me, he is everything to me. he had fixed me and no one else would ever do the same. im sorry if that makes u feel some type of way, but it's the truth.

enough negative talk. u will be fine without me. u will move on, get married, have kids, and live ur life happily. i know u well enough to know that this will effect u at first, but u will soon forget me. u will forget how i smell, how i taste, the way my freckles showed. u will forget all of the things you loved about me. those things will eventually fade away from ur memory, which is exactly what i want. u will find someone who u will be able to fix. u will fix them up like he did me, and it'll make her feel as if u are the one she's been missing all her life.

maybe not, maybe she won't need fixed. i don't know how any of it works. all i know is that, u will find that one girl who will depend on u to love and protect her, and u will. i promise u will. believe me. u have to, there's no other choice.

go ahead, take all of the time u need. sooner or later, u will take these words into good use instead of thinking they're just absolute bullshit.

on that day, look up to the stars...

i will be there, with him by my side. forever.

i love you to the moon and back,
Melina Corbin Green'

I wipe the tears I didn't know had fallen and refold the letter, placing it back into the envelope it once was placed in.

Her fingers made the same exact motions as mine, placing the paper into it's rightful place. she's right,

absolute bullshit.

"Fuck you, Melina."

Author's Note:
so, this was the very last chapter, and i shed a few tears. it was hard to me to end this book, it was my first, and i fell in love with it. thank you so much for reading it, and im sorry if i killed you with it...

stay a petty bitch ;)

word count;890
7/18/18